What a difference a day makes! On 4 Nov 2008, a date that will no doubt go down in the annals of history as a watershed moment in U.S. politics, America elected its first black president (welcome back America and congratulations for making the right choice!). But that same day also turned out to be a dark day for the gay community as California — yes, the most gay-friendly state in the Union — voted to pass Prop 8 which overturns the state supreme court’s earlier ruling that same-sex couples had the right to marry under the constitution. While the fight over gay marriage has been the most intense (and the most expensive) in California, few people actually know that Arizona and Florida also followed suit in banning gay marriage, while Arkansas has voted to ban gay couples from adopting children! Here are the results of the local ballot measures (which we got from CNN):

As Gavin Newsom, the mayor of San Francisco, pointed out in his speech to Googlers last week (watch it if you haven’t!), throughout the seventeen amendments in the 219 year history of the U.S. constitution, every single amendment has been to expand on people’s rights, not to deny them of their rights, and certainly not to take back rights that have already been granted. And now, the most progressive state in the U.S. has voted to do just that? Good God! How screwed up is that?! We’re trying to be rational here so let’s put things in a little perspective here, shall we? Cages for egg-laying hens and restrictive pens for veal calves and pregnant sows have been banned in California (we’re not making this up!), you can now get marijuana in Michigan and Massachusetts (no it’s not a pipe dream!), you can now get your doctor in Washington to help you end your life in dignity, but you cannot marry someone else of the same gender as you are because the day that happens, families will crumble, society will disintegrate, heterosexual marriages will suffer, and all children will become gay? Gimme a break!
As we write this, thousands are said to be marching in Los Angeles and San Francisco for marriage equality, and many are questioning the tax-exempt status of religious organizations that have poured in millions of dollars to pass Prop 8. Of the $35.9 million raised by supporters of the same-sex marriage ban, $20 million came from the Mormon Church, with the bulk of the remainder coming from other religious organizations like the Catholic Church, Knights of Columbus, Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, American Family Association, Focus on the Family, National Organization for Marriage, as well as the Saddleback Church (such strange bedfellows, and can anyone find a non-religious excuse to ban same-sex marriage, really?). [And yes, we do know there were also many progressive-minded religious leaders out there who were as vehemently opposed to Prop 8 and they should really be commended for taking the narrow unpopular road!]
As the dust settles, we need to realise the fight is not over yet. Our next stab at overturning this disgustingly discriminatory amendment will come four years from now, but for now, we must ask ourselves what we can learn this time. The answer, we think, lies somewhere in these findings by the Pew Research Center:
- Only 4 in 10 Americans report that they have close friends or family members that are gay.
- Familiarity is closely linked to tolerance: “People who have a close gay friend or family member are more likely to support gay marriage and they are also significantly less likely to favor allowing schools to fire gay teachers than are those with little or no personal contact with gays.”
- Those who say they have a family member or close friend who is gay are more than twice as likely to support gay marriage as those who don’t — 55% to 25%.
Pew’s research has a lesson that is loud and clear for the gay community. If you truly want equality, then it is really time to stand up and be counted. Don’t leave it to the gay rights groups to do all the work. You — yes, you! — need to come out to your family, to your friends, in your workplace, on campus, in your religious group, as well as any other social, community or interest groups you may belong to. The power is in YOUR own hands to break barriers, remove stereotypes, stop prejudice, dismantle homophobia, and to build bridges, encourage tolerance, and improve understanding!
As we mentioned earlier on Coming Out Day, part of the reason why the founders of this site decided to build Gays.com as the first gay social network for real people, real names and real-world connections is that we looked around us and found absolutely none on the horizon! Since then, we’ve made it our raison d’etre and our sacred mission to challenge, encourage, and prod members of the community to come out online if not in real life. Brothers and sisters, it is time to stand up and be counted, and the time is now. If you want to help fight ignorance, then don’t remain invisible anymore. If you want to help fight discrimination, then it is about time you stepped out of the closet. If you are protesting and marching in the streets, but still haven’t come out to your friends and colleagues, then realize this — you can protest and march all you want, but you’ll accomplish much more by stepping out of the closet to be who you really are in your school and in your office. Change starts with you and the people around you. This message is important, and if you see it, help us share Gays.com’s vision and message with the friends around you.