By Calvin Holbrook, Gays.com’s Social Media Manager
When I recently posted this question on the Gays.com Facebook page, I was more than a tad surprised by the overwhelming response from our followers: the poll was about 90/10 in favour of absolutely no nookie on a first date. In fact, some of the comments were suggesting that if you did engage in a bit of fun, you were basically a cheap tuppeny whore:
“No sex! Unless you don’t mind it to be the last date!”
“No! You have to get to know the type of person you’re with.”
“No sex if you want a relationship, but yes if you’re looking for a fuck buddy.”
“No! How degrading! No self-respect!”
“Sluts would say ‘yes’, people who are on an actual date will say no.”
Wow! Harsh! Surprised? I was! Looking back at how I met my past boyfriends, they’ve come about through a mixture of happenings. Some were gradual, building from a friendship and flirtation into something deeper. Others were the result of drunken dance floor encounters followed by a frantic taxi ride of snogging, shagging, and then spending the next couple of years together. And why not?
Sometimes, when you meet someone on a date and it goes well, and you’re just both horny, why not jump in at the deep end? We’re all adults, right? Maybe I’m a bit more slutty than some sections of the population, but I don’t see anything wrong with sleeping with someone on a first date. And, as long as you are responsible and talk about safer sex, here’s why:
1) You can find out right away if your potential partner is rubbish in the sack
/a terrible kisser/smelly and then not bother to go back for seconds. Imagine
you start dating, fall for someone, and then you discover their carnal crapiness.
Gonna be harder to get over it.
2) If you go back to their place, you can learn a lot about their personality from
their surroundings and therefore assess compatibility instantly. If you have to wade through dirty dishes, empty yoghurt pots and Coke bottles filled with wee to get to the bed, you can nip it in the bud straightaway (yes, I talk from experience).3) You can analyse their CD collection for taste. Too much Madonna/Britney/Mariah/Beyonce etc and they can wave that second date bye bye (unless that’s your thing).
4) Sex is HOT. And FUN.
5) Sharing a cab ride home on the night means you can save yourself a few quid. Result.
6) It shouldn’t make any difference if you do the biz on the first night or not.
No one should judge you based on your sexual activity.7) 8, 9 and 10!
Saying this, I suppose there could be a couple of disadvantages of first-night nookie:
1) Your date could be CRAZY! Someone I know had the misfortune of this experience:
he went home with someone, was then attacked and held hostage in a cupboard for
two days before managing to escape. At least a few dates may help you to identify if
your potential new love is a psychopath. Seriously though, always consider personal
safety when going on dates with strangers.
2) Some people are only interested in sex. You may be genuinely keen to continuing dating them after your first night, but for some people once they’ve got their wicked way, you’re just another notch on their bedposts. But then, if they’re not looking for
a relationship, I guess it ain’t gonna happen anyways.
Actually, saying this, on the occasions where I’ve met with someone for a first date and we’ve not ended up in bed together, I must admit that the subtle build-up and wait for the actual moment has made it even more satisfying and enjoyable. But then again, instant hook-ups can also be very exciting.
We can now get sex delivered to our doors in the same time and just as easy as ordering a 9” pepperami (er, hang on, is that the same thing? LOL). Certainly some gay men (I’m not sure if gay women or straights use the net in such a prolific way) have gotten used to bypassing the whole ‘dating’ thing completely. Sex has become a takeaway delivery option (for some of us) that’s all easy to pig out on.
However, some friends of mine who meet guys from the net prefer to meet them for drinks first to see if they have anything in common or find them attractive (or at least look like their profile pictures!), whereas others refuse to use gay dating websites for the fear of becoming addicted and spending too much time cruising online.
Still, there’s no reason why you couldn’t meet someone for an instant hook-up and then end up falling in love and living happily ever after… At the end of the day, I think it depends on your intentions and what you are looking for. Live and let love! •
What’s your take on sex on the first date/instant hook-ups? I’d love to read your thoughts.
13 Responses
February 6th, 2013 at 3:42 pm
I’ve had sex on the first date and from my experience, not a good thing to do. In the end, you just end up feeling used and discarded.
February 6th, 2013 at 4:49 pm
Well everyone is different and sometimes the objective is for a one off type thing. However I think everyone should just go with what seems right to them. Who are we to judge one another so harshly anyway?
February 6th, 2013 at 5:07 pm
I absolutly agree with you Calvin, there is not an specific formula for that…just happens. I think key words in this topic are: Adult, Respect, Chemistry and Humanity. En la guerra y el amor todo se vale.
February 6th, 2013 at 6:28 pm
what about the long distance relationship? I found this guy on the net and we have been skyping each other lately and even text each other on LINE. Is it okay if we have sex when we met? We both have something in common and we loved each other.
February 6th, 2013 at 6:50 pm
Well I don’t have sex on the first date, it takes me at least 2 months in a relationship to even consider sleeping with them – having said that I have had one night stands but I knew them for at least 5 months.
When I got back with my ex back in March 2012 we had started dating but not having a relationship and we had sex about a week into us dating – but I did know him for 6 months and anyway we done stuff when we were in relationship the first time.
So basically my answer is clear I couldn’t have sex with someone on the first date because it’s not me, I’m not that easy and I was brought up to believe that they should work for it! ;)
February 6th, 2013 at 9:57 pm
First date your pretty much fucking a stranger, which that would mean you have loose sexual morals, sex was really meant for two partners who are in love, but now days its… Your hot lets fuck… For me it would take someone i really know, and actually know i love them, and for me to have known them for a very long time to really know the decision to do so… me personally would only have sex to show my affection and love for them, of course pleasure, but not just sex, but being so close to that someone you really love, and on the first date, you really dont know if you love them, you hardly know anything about them, it takes years to really know someone… so i say no!
February 6th, 2013 at 10:00 pm
It may be hard to find someone to have sex with, but its much much much much harder to NOT have sex with them, thats what your body wants, not your heart, your heart wants you to stay pure for your real partner…
February 7th, 2013 at 4:29 am
i don’t mind having sex on the first date at all, if I’m really into the guy at first sight!
for me sex matters in the relationship, and it’s better to go deeper knowing that you could have great sex than to break up with each other bcoz of unpleasant bedroom experience!
Calvin’s blog: Like +1
February 8th, 2013 at 4:37 am
I always have sex on the first date. If someone holds out on me I take it as a rejection that I am not good looking enough for them and will never go for the gold. At my age I now get a choice; promise to marry me and love me forever or I’ll just have sex with you. Not being able to promise forever they just have sex with me cuz I can’t tell a man I do not know that we will be together forever, they think I am a player and do it. I aint a plyer but I like to get to know you before I promise anything, and like the song says, “I might like you better if we slept together.” Besides, I need to kick the tires sexually, cuz if he just isn’t in to it then I will bore of him quickly.
February 11th, 2013 at 6:15 am
I have had a few dates in the past where it was nothing but sex. Guess you can say that we are primarily fuck buddies. It doesn’t feel good despite knowing the person. Yet I have had a couple dates where it didn’t lead to that. After it, I was content that I didn’t do it. It all depends on the people who are on the date that ultimately decide to have sex or not.
February 24th, 2013 at 5:21 pm
Please Delet me from Gays.com
March 7th, 2013 at 6:37 pm
met a guy from gay dating site looking for meets, On our first date we had sex and continue to do so for the last 3 years, he is 38 I am 68,
April 9th, 2013 at 2:05 am
It ia always ok to have sex;-) i found my first date on http://www.gaychat.pl this gej czat is real cool
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