6 challenges facing bisexual men

Do bisexual guys often feel they are not 'bi' enough to have more sexual experiences with men? We look at some of the challenges facing bisexual men.

Challenges facing bisexual men 1: the 'bisexual club'

There are no tick-box criteria for becoming a bisexual. Bisexuality is not some bizarre cult. Moreover, you don't have to prove you're bisexual by adhering to some mysterious 'dating ratio.'

A bisexual man may date more women than men. He may, at the same time, have sex with more men than women. Neither of these choices makes them any more or less bisexual. 

So, what's the problem? As always, it's the opinions and judgment of others. 

Challenges facing bisexual men 2: prejudice from both sexes

Research shows that bisexual people suffer from higher levels of depression and anxiety than others. We all must confront and challenge this as bisexuals can feel like pariahs within the LGBT community. 

'He's not really gay.' 'He's a fraud.' These are just two of the two harmful misconceptions gay men may harbour towards bisexual men. 

Additionally, some straight women may frown upon dating a bi guy. Perhaps they might not think he is 'manly' enough or worry that he's going to abandon them for a man. 

The net result is the same: bisexuals can feel like they're waging a cold war on multiple fronts. 

More than just a "phase" or a "problem" - Bisexuality is a reality and more and more people come out as bisexual  

Challenges facing bisexual men 3: the curse of labels

People feel more secure when they can pin a label to something. It's one of the oldest and most trusted ways of reducing the world to a manageable size - and diminishing your anxieties.

But labels are as destructive as they are meaningless. The 'one size fits all' mentality is a myth, but it's a trap that people dating a bi guy can fall into.

More worrying is the tendency of some bisexual men to apply labels to themselves by beating themselves up when they don't feel they fit the template of being bisexual. 

The truth is that there is no formula to follow – only your desires. And desires are as changeable and complex as every individual. 

Challenges facing bisexual men 4: your current relationship status

A bisexual man can feel that he is not bi enough if he's in a long-term relationship with a woman – or vice versa.

Biphobic people will judge you on your current relationship status. Moreover, you may judge yourself on that basis. How easy it is to internalise the pernicious stories others tell us about our lives. 

But remember this: bisexual men don't become gay or straight when they're in a relationship. They're still bisexual – or however else they choose to define themselves. 

Challenges facing bisexual men 5: misconceptions – and insults

A biphobic man or woman won't challenge their prejudices – unless pushed to do so. The line between misunderstanding and plain old-fashioned hate is thin.

The common slur is that bisexual men are just 'greedy attention seekers', and even those dating a bi guy may secretly think this. 

Such comments prompt bisexuals to question their behaviour. Moreover, it can make them less likely to trust. 

Before you start dating a bi guy, you should have an honest look at yourself. What are your opinions on bisexuals? What questions do you want to ask? Don't stifle them. Speak plainly – but with respect. 

Challenges facing bisexual men 6: the malicious glare of outsiders

Bisexuals are no less susceptible to the sometimes ruthless scrutiny of outsiders than any other minority group. 

The problem is that they can often feel like a much-maligned minority within a minority.

If you're a gay man or straight woman dating a bi guy, you are an outsider. You have a responsibility to educate yourself. 

It's easy to say to a bisexual man, 'ignore the outsiders.' To do so can take super-human strength and self-confidence. You're often going to feel alone. You're going to need help. 

Challenges facing bisexual men 7: finding support

All phobias are designed to make often already vulnerable people feel more helpless and isolated. The biphobic is no different. 

To counteract this, bisexual men must engage with people who understand them. Choose these people carefully. Take your time to find friends and family who will listen to you. Those who will celebrate who you are.

Challenges facing bisexual men 8: forging your own path

Your goal is not to keep a tally of how many men or women you have had sex with. Comparing your experiences with other bisexuals is futile. This way, madness lies. You are on your journey; it belongs solely to you. And who knows how it will unfold? 

If there's an experience you haven't yet had but long for, then reach for it - be bold but kind to yourself. The same goes for those dating a bi guy. Be open about your feelings – and receptive to those of your partner. 

Remember that the biphobic detests debate; it's their idea of terror. Silence leads to discrimination, but together, we can break it. 

We have the power to shape new, bold stories in which we're answerable to no one but ourselves. 

Have you ever not felt 'bi' enough? How did you deal with it? Share your experiences by commenting below.