What are the ways the straight people can show respect for LGBT people? Well, they can start by not asking them these ten outrageous questions…
What not to say to LGBT people 1: “It’s not obvious you’re gay”
This is up there with the classic “I’d never have guess that you’re gay.” It immediately suggests that you should be hiding something, that to be gay is something you should be ashamed of.
Challenge it. What are the tell-tale signs of ‘gayness’ which they allude to? Place your bets on them citing femininity and camp. This can be a great opportunity to challenge their preconceptions and debunk those stereotypes.
What not to say to LGBT people 2: “It’s such a waste you’re gay”
The oft spoken line from a straight female to a gay man. Basically they’re suggesting you’re losing out on something by being gay. You’re going to waste just because you’re not having sex with women. Expect them to try and ‘turn’ you next.
Leave that person in no doubt what so ever that absolutely nothing is going to waste!
"It's such a waste you're gay" - that's a question after which most LGBT People will look at you like this ⬆️🤔
What not to say to LGBT people 3: “You’re so camp and fun”
To start with, there is nothing wrong with being ‘camp’ or ‘fem’. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But when a straight person repeatedly points out that you’re camp and “such fun” to be around it can be more than a tad patronising.
Worse still, being relegated to the ‘camp box’ by a straight person can summon up all those horrific memories of childhood bullying. It can be belittling. Explain that there are many facets to your character – and that you’re so much more than a performing circus pony.
What not to say to LGBT people 4: “You must meet my other gay friend”
Because obviously all gay people adore one another. Because the only thing that matters in a friendship is your sexual orientation.
Don’t react with hostility. But calmly point out how this person is wrong.
No, I dont need to meet your gay friend. I've got enough good stuff going on 🤪
What not to say to LGBT people 5: “What fits where?”
Curiosity is all very well, but why should have to explain the mechanics of gay sex? Would you ask a straight person to describe their sex life in lurid detail? Of course not.
And if they’re asking questions like “how does it fit?” are you really sure that there’s not something snide in the way they’re asking it? Tell them to get a book out of the library.
What not to say to LGBT people 6: “I wish I was gay; you have it so much easier…”
Arguably the most infuriating one of them all.
What exactly do they mean by “easier”? A legacy of shame, toxic masculinity, bullying, prejudice? The ongoing battle against homophobia? The always having to watch your back and police yourself in unfamiliar places?
Ok, don’t jump on the defensive. But you do have a duty to point out that homosexuality is not a bowl of cherries.
You can't be serious, right? Re-think what you just said and let's talk again 🤨🏳️🌈
What not to say to LGBT people 7: “Civil partnership is fine but I’m not sure about marriage…”
“…is for a man and a woman” – or words to that effect. Here come the conditions. “I’m all for equality, but a child needs a mum and a dad” is another one.
What not to say to LGBT people 8: “Are you the man or the wife?”
Presuming that is that they accept the idea of gay marriage, that is. The answer, of course, is neither. Gently point out the curse of patriarchy. How gay people have the unique power to create new templates for relationships. You may well be met with an oh so condescending “I’m gonna turn gay!” Because it’s a choice, naturally.
Im both, im neither, whatever you want. Most importantly though, im happy 🥰
What not to say to LGBT people 9: “What’s going on down below?”
This can’t be said often enough: no one has a right to ask a trans person what their genitalia consists of. It is utterly inappropriate.
Would a straight person ask another straight person what their vagina looks like? The same rules apply to everyone. This is a matter of basic human decency.
What not to say to LGBT people 10: “When are you going to settle down?”
Or “When are you going to meet a nice man”? The implication here is that gay men are promiscuous and somehow incapable of having a long-term relationship. Or at least a relationship as heterosexual think it should be.
What are some of the most outrageous things straight people have said to you? How did you react? Let us know in the comment below.
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