Bridging the Gap: Age Differences in Gay Relationships

What is it that attracts us gay guys to older or younger men? Is it the youthful vitality of younger guys or the maturity, and wisdom of someone older? Let's explore gay age gap relationships...
 

I'm a gay guy who is attracted to younger guys: there I've admitted it. I'm quite open about it, but I appreciate those age gap relationships can come with their fair share of baggage. Whatever it is, and whatever our preference, one thing you can always count on is the opinion of those around you. gay.

As is the case with comedian Stephen Fry, 65, when he announced his marriage plans to Elliott Spencer, 35, back in 2015. And it was the same when British Olympic diver Tom Daley got together with screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, despite a 20-year age gap.

It's true that some age differences are fine and accepted, and I think it's also easier the older the guys in question are. For example, if a couple is aged 25 and 35, people may notice it but not question it so much. And if two people together are 45 and 65, the same could also be said of that. However, if you're 20 and 40, people will probably talk about your relationship; so why is that?

Dustin and Tom are in a 20-year gay age gap relationship

Gay age gay relationships: factors 

As well as the simple fact of numbers, other factors come into play. Things such as health and fitness are going to be huge contributors. There are very fit 50-year-olds; trim, keeping in shape, going to the gym and looking great.

“Ultimately, if two gay people of consenting legal age love each other, then what does it matter what anyone else thinks of their age gap relationship?”

A healthy older person with an average-looking younger guy may not raise many eyebrows as say, an older man who is overweight and maybe showing his years through too much alcohol or smoking.

Lifestyle factors will also contribute; what kind of career you're in or were in, dress sense, financial situation, etc. So, if we were to look at the various pros and con's of relationships with age gaps, people might say:

Pros

• Your mentalities might match better than someone of your age
• Learning: older guys can share their life experiences with younger guys; the younger guy can show the older man new things.
• Two varying groups of friends could come together

Cons

• One of you might live longer than the other
• Tastes might vary considerably
• The pace in fitness – or in the bedroom!

But each of these points could be argued. Just because one of you is 60 and your partner is 40, with modern life as hectic as it is, the older guy may well live longer than the younger one.

Actor Matt Bomer and Simon Hall have a 13-year age gap relationship shutterstock/Kathy Hutchins

The opinions of friends do matter to us, and as humans, we're very conscious of what people think. But one step further from friends is your partner's parents. They are someone you want on your side, and if they disapprove things could get messy.

Ultimately, if two gay people of consenting legal age love each other, then what does it matter what anyone else thinks of their age gap relationship? We in the LGBTQ+ community more than anyone know and accept that partners are not for life. Although we all dream of our partner being there forever, the reality is, humans aren't built that way.

We may go into a relationship hoping for a long and happy time with them and if it lasts forever then great; if it lasts just a year then great too. Make the best of today, whatever day it is, and let tomorrow take care of itself when it arrives. Happy loving, no matter who you choose. •

Main image: shutterstock/Fred Duval

If you're in a gay age gap relationship, let us know below what you think makes it work, how big the age gap, and if separated, what you think made it fail?