Gay Dating Advice: 12 Essential Tips

Dating shouldn't be a chore, it should be fun. So, from setting boundaries from staying sex-free on the first date (yes, really), follow our 12 gay dating tips and you’ll be lining up Mr Right in no time at all. It's all the dating advice you'll ever need.

 

A lot of us single gay guys seem to share the same stories about the trials and tribulations of gay dating. The guys you like never like you back. People play mind games or pay too much attention to physical. Guys are only interested in hooking up alone (or they are just complete assholes).

It's true that casual sex is more accepted in the LGBT community (and even promoted), but what if you're eager to find something more meaningful? It can sometimes feel like hunting for a needle in a haystack. Our advice? We're in control of our own destiny and it's up to us to find what we're looking for by setting boundaries and putting ourselves out there, however daunting that can sometimes be. 

 

Gay dating advice: 12 top tips to follow

So, if your'e struggling to find love or feeling demoralized by only having random hook-ups, our 12 gay dating tips can help bring you a step closer to find someone you could build a relationship with. Follow our advice to improve your chances of enjoying your date and putting the best version of 'you' forward. 

 

1. Spend time alone

Before you embark upon an endless dating marathon, you need to be in the right place – physically and mentally. How are you feeling? If you’re desperate to find Mr Right and end up exhibiting all the charm of a Bunny Boiler, then you’re on the road to ruin. Take stock of previous dating mishaps and failed relationships.

 

Consider what went wrong (and what went right). Are you really looking for love and open to commit or do you have any issues you need to work on? Only by spending time in your own company can you begin to like yourself a bit more – and understand what you’re looking for in your romantic exploits.
 

2. Set your boundaries

This is an essential piece of gay dating advice which relates to both you and the future hunk you're hoping to meet. Once you've decided what type of relationship you are looking for, be clear on your dating profiles, eg, if you are looking purely for dates only and if you are or aren't open to NSA fun. If you're really keen to meet someone special then state 'no hook-ups' or 'no casual sex' and stick to it. This will make it clear to potential dates and hopefully stop you falling into the trap of only meeting guys purely for sex. 
 

3. Dress to impress

And by this we mean dressing to impress for yourself. Take time to pamper yourself with self-care before your date and choose an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself and sexy. This gay dating tip isn't meant to be superficial, but it's about about preparing you so you feel the best you can about yourself and confident. If you feel good with how you look it will give your confidence a boost and this will shine through on your date. 

Ditch dull questioning: dates are not interviews!

 

4. Scrap the boring questions

This piece of gay dating advice is an essential one to bear in mind when you're planing to meet up with a potential love interest. We all know what a turn-off it is when you get asked the same dull-as-dishwater questions on the apps: 'how are you´', 'what are you into?', 'are you top or bottom?', etc.
 

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A date isn't a job interview, so scrap the obvious “where are you from?”, “what do you like?” questions. You can get the answers craftily, by engaging him in intelligent, playful conversation. Pick up on his body language when he talks – it will tell you a lot about what he likes.

Exploit these things and then go with the flow: gay dating shouldn't be a tick-box exercise. And another piece of gay dating advice: don't go into the date with expectations of bagging your new BF after one meeting – go with the aim of simply getting to know one another better. 
 

5. Turn him into a sex god

A lot of men have considerable egos. And while you should avoid a guy with an ego the size of the sun, you can’t deny that confidence in a fella is attractive. So, turn this to your advantage. This piece of gay dating advice is all about flattering him to make him feel like he truly is the hottest guy in the room.

 

“Another piece of gay dating advice: don't go into the date with expectations of bagging your new BF after one meeting. Go with the aim of simply wanting to get to know each other better.”

Like the look of his big, manly hands? Let him know you want them all over you. Are his luscious lips getting you salivating to move in for a snog? Tell him he has the most kissable lips. And so on; you get the idea. If he is a sexy in the flesh as you hoped, then let him know that you like him – but be subtle and flirtatious with it.
 

6. For God’s sake, put your phone away

We’re living in an age when we’re more connected than ever... but strangely less connected than ever. You may have initially started chatting on a gay app – like our very own Gaudi – but you need to be in the room entirely with your guy when you're on a date.
 

This absolutely means no looking at Facebook or Instagram – and most certainly not checking our other nearby guys on any queer dating apps! That should be a given, but, you know, we've heard stories of it happening. You'd hate to be on the receiving end of that sort of behavior yourself, right?

 

7. Take time to listen

And here's another piece of gay dating advice that follows the idea of paying full attention when you're on a date: make sure you listen. Many of us struggle to really listen when someone is speaking because we have so much on our mind. Our perhaps you are so nervous on dates that you end up blabbering nonsense. 

Be sure to let your date speak and to fully listen to what he's saying. Because if you're really listening to him then you will learn more about him and his habits and come to a valid judgement as to whether you have things in common and could work as a couple. If you struggle with paying attention, discover some mindful listening tips.
 

8. Reach out and touch!

No, this gay dating tip isn't about grabbing his bulging cock or his beefy butt as you say goodbye (however tempting that may be). However, us humans communicate not only through conversation but through the power of touch. If you like the look of him then brush against him as you walk into the bar or gently place your hand on top of his shoulder as you get up to use the restroom. This will send subtle-but-sure signs to him that you're keen to see him again for a second date or more.

Don't be scared to touch your date shutterstock/Fergus Coyle

 

9. Ensure you share values – not interests

Of course, it's great if you meet someone you share common interests with. If you can enjoy the gym, cinema, swimming, etc, together then it gives you stuff to do. However, you also have friends for that. And you don't want to do everything with your other half anyway – having time apart gives you both space.
 

“Dress to impress. This gay dating tip isn't meant to be superficial, but it's about about preparing you so you feel the best you can about yourself and confident.”

No, what's more important when it comes to gay dating advice is finding someone who shares similar values to you. For example, does he care about the environment, is he materialistic? What are his thoughts on politics? If he holds values which you don't agree with, this should be a red flag. 

 

10. Stay sex-free

OK, so the date is going full throttle. You're getting on like a house on fire and you clearly want to rip each other's clothes off. But we urge you to resist: try not to fuck on the first date! This piece of gay dating advice can be a hard one to follow, but see if you can resist. Maybe just share a kiss on your first date and agree to meet up again soon.

Building the anticipation and excitement will leave you both giddy and make it much more rewarding when you finally get naked. Having casual sex is so easy. If you're seriously about finding a LTR, try to resist the urge: it will be worth the wait. 


Bottoms up! (Well, not on your first date) shutterstock/Gustavo Frazao

 

11. Date outside your 'type'

We all have physical types that we are instinctively attracted too and that's totally cool. Indeed, there's nothing wrong with dating guys that you normally go for, but also don't rule out going on a date with someone because they don't automatically fit your go-to gay tribe type. Being open to all types of guys will widen the pool of guys available for dating. Plus, you never know – you might find out that you actually really have a thing for twinks or find that circuit queen you connect with!

 

12. Be OK with the outcome

Our final piece of dating advice for gay men: if you're into him but he's not into you, accept it and move on. We all want different things in life. If you get upset about it, allow yourself to feel that emotion but then tell yourself gracefully to move on. Certainly don't get bitter or vengeful. Just line up another date! 

 

The bottom line: Gay dating tips

Lots of guys complain about gay dating, claiming that guys only ever want no-strings fun and nothing else. While this may be the case for some of us, it's simply not true for all (we all know gay people with parters). If you're looking for love then what's essential is being true to that and setting some of the boundaries mentioned above.

One final bit of dating advice: never compare yourself to others. Don't put on a front. Just be who you are. There is only one you, so be you. He has to like you for you. Go get 'em, tiger! •

Main image: shutterstock/Mix Tape