Are gay tops seen as the alpha-males among gay men – at the expense of bottoms? Here are seven signs of gay top privilege which need challenging.
Gay top privilege sign one: he thinks he’s less likely to catch HIV
And he is right. Science speaks. Facts back it up. In anal sex gay men who take the active role are less likely to contract HIV than those who are passive. But that doesn’t mean he has the right to place himself at the top of some twisted anal hierarchy. It doesn’t he should shrug off all sense of responsibility. It doesn’t mean he should flounce about acting like he is super-human. Nor does it mean that the gay bottom is somehow ‘weaker’. What it means is that a top should behave with care and respect.
Gay top privilege sign two: will he shag you and stealth you?
Stealthing is a real thing and we’ve written about this alarming trend before. To put it blatantly: it’s when the top removes the condom from his schlong while he is balls deep. Without the gay bottom’s permission.
Does the supreme arrogance of some gay tops really extend this far? To some God-given sense of entitlement which thinks nothing of potentially inflicting harm on another person? Stealthing is surely the ultimate act of betrayal. So much of bottoming is about trust. An unspoken covenant of trust should exist between tops and bottoms. And there’s a word for gay men who break that: abusers.
Gay top privilege sign three: he casts you as the slut
It’s a similar story to straight dynamics. The gay top, like the man, is the stud when he’s collecting the notches on the bedpost. The gay bottom, like the woman, is the old mattress for having the audacity to enjoy a good seeing to.
But where would the top be without the bottom’s willingness to spring his legs open? Alone with a sex toy at best. But more likely wallowing in his own juices in a three-month unwashed duvet.
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Know any good tops?
Gay top privilege sign four: not just the slut – but the bucket
And then there’s the inevitable next step. The gay bottom is publicly shamed for the decided lack of elasticity of his nether regions.
Note to tops everywhere: It’s not the quantity of pile driving you indulge in that slackens the sphincter. It’s the quality.
Note to bottoms everywhere: Use lube, pace yourself, do it properly and you’ll remain positively virginal. Well, almost. But you certainly won't morph into the sloppy KFC bargain bucket you’re being painted as all over town. The nerve of it!
Yes, tops. It’s down to you. The real damage is caused by the top who hasn’t a clue what he’s doing. And is probably too arrogant to want to learn. And so, he will - contrary to his unspeakable delusions of grandeur - remain a decidedly lousy lay for all eternity.
Gay top privilege sign five: he feminises you
A disrespectful top will constantly cast the gay bottom in the female role. The alpha top is the oppressor. He’ll repeatedly get his pronouns mixed up, referring to the bottom as ‘she’. Heaven forbid he rechristens your hole a ‘mangina’ – or worse.
It’s all a game for the top. A chance to belittle the bottom. Put him in his place. You know the truly pathetic thing? He really thinks all this petty vileness qualifies him to be a Dom. Please...
The nasty jibes will be accompanied by the top casting himself as ‘the real man’ - at every conceivable opportunity. Funnily enough, this sort of behaviour among gay men often goes in tandem with a more than generous dose of misogyny.
Gay top privilege sign six: he has zero knowledge of human anatomy
Everyone has bodily functions. And shit really does happen. The gay top has no right to expect utter perfection from a gay bottom. No matter how fastidious and clean a gay bottom is, accidents still happen. And when they do the top should act with understanding, maturity and basic human decency.
Leaping off the bed and wailing like a banshee because your prize Egyptian cotton has been dingle-berried does not count in this regard. And nor does it chime with your insistence on being ‘a proper bloke’.
Gay top privilege sign seven: he has the nerve to dismiss your work ethic
You know what, Mr ‘Masc. Only’? Bottoming is hard work. Porn may make it look easy and erotic – but that’s not the real world.
Bottoming can be painful and messy. It takes practice and skill. And some serious logistical planning. So, get over your ego and chuck your outmoded notions of gender, power, and patriarchy out with that used condom.
What do you think makes a considerate top? Tell us by commenting below or in the gays.com forum.
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Images: Shutterstock.com
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