How to stay friends with ex boyfriends

Staying friends with an ex is not easy – though gay men are better at it than straights. But there are still some big challenges involved. Here are seven ways to build a great new relationship with your ex boyfriend.

How to stay friends with ex boyfriends 1: Do you really want this?

What are you set to gain and lose by staying friends with an ex? You need to undertake a full assessment of your relationship – and your breakup.

Deal breaker alert: If you’re coming out of an abusive or toxic relationship then forget friendship. Self-preservation is everything. You’ll be wanting and needing to get as far away from that person as possible. Don’t even try the ‘let’s be friends’ scenario. It can only lead to more hurt.

Crucially you need to make sure that this is what you both want. And that you want it for the same reasons. Honest and open discussions are vital.

How to stay friends with ex boyfriends 2: Give it time and space

Coming out of a relationship is always tough. Even when it’s done amicably emotions are running high. Jumping straight into a bosom buddy scenario is not realistic. Nor is it advisable.

You’re going to need time and space to process all that has happened. You need to adjust to being alone. To not having that significant other. And yes, some form of a grieving period is frequently inevitable.

Let the feelings calm down. Take stock. Run a full emotional audit. Get busy. Find a new routine. Spend time on yourself. And definitely, do not rush into regular weekly nights out. Think of it as using toys to work your way up to a frenetic session with that industrial fuck machine. Start gently.

Giving it all a little space between each other at first might be a good thing 💕

How to stay friends with ex boyfriends 3: Be honest about your feelings

Honesty is the lynchpin of all relationships – intimate and platonic. How honest have you been with one another about your feelings while a couple? Where is the room for improvement in being friends with an ex?

More importantly still, you need to ensure that you have the right kind of feelings to be friends with an ex. Are you still in love? Are you overwhelmed with desire, hate, jealousy? Any emotions that are off the scale need to be tempered.

How to stay friends with ex boyfriends 4: no sex

The time and space rule applies to sex too. Particularly to sex. Immediately transitioning ex boyfriends to fuck buddies is a sure-fire way of courting emotional Armageddon. 

A break-up should be a clean break. Popping round to your ex’s to slam in the lamb when your needs get the better of you is not the way to stay friends with an ex. It only blurs the boundaries and sends off very conflicting messages.

No Sex sounds like torture - but really, you dont want to attach yourself to your ex again, do you? 😉

How to stay friends with ex boyfriends 5: show them you care

What does friendship mean? What things should you do and what qualities should you demonstrate to be a true friend? 

Being friends with an ex means showing that you care for them and support them. Be interested in what they’re doing – and how they’re feeling. Listen. Give advice (when asked). Be there for them.

How to stay friends with ex boyfriends 6: Let them move on

You need to respect that your ex will want to move on with their life. You have played a big part in that life – but you need to know when to let go. 

Supporting your ex in their future is integral to being a good friend. And this means accepting that they will at some point find a new partner. Treat their new boyfriend with respect. If you’re consumed with jealousy, then you clearly haven’t moved on – and it’s not the right time to try and be friends.

Moving on is part of the process, even if it hurts sometimes 💔

How to stay friends with ex boyfriends 7: Understand that all friendships are different

You need to understand how one friendship may differ from another. All friendships are different. They have different sets of dynamics. There are things that are more important in some friendships than others.

In being friends with an ex you’re entering a brave new world of friendship. This particular friendship is going to be hugely different from your others. This is, of course, because of the unique history you have together. 

All of this is a major plus. But it’s going to take time and effort to build something strong and long-lasting. However, given the incestuous nature of the gay scene, it's arguably far better to be on good terms with someone than mortal enemies. 

Have you stayed friends with an ex? What challenges have you encountered – and how have you overcome them? Let us know in the comments below.