Why H&H Chemsex is So Passé

Sometimes it can seem as if chemsex is the norm among gay men. But when did sex become so dull that we needed so many stimulants? We look at why chemsex and H&H are overrated.

H&H parties are nightmares to arrange

Log on to any gay hookup app, and you're guaranteed to see guys advertising that they're H&H (high and horny). "Looking for G&T", they'll say. And they're not talking about an aperitif. It's almost like a badge of honour.

In big cities, there will always be a chemsex party nearby. But what you don't see are the challenges organising them. Getting the right people in place and the right drugs can be a logistical nightmare. Indeed, it's enough to drive any good woman ragged. Ordering in substances with home delivery is hardly an option and certainly not with all the associated paranoia, always a death knell to desire.
 

It's no porn star knocking shop

Gay men live in a hyper-sexualised world. Images of impossibly perfect bodies surround us. We're expected to fuck and squirt like porn stars. And this is one of the draws of chemsex parties. We're hoping to find a room packed full of Chaos Men Exclusives with horse-sized dicks.

But don't be fooled by myths. Check your expectations, girls. Sure, you'll find hot guys at chemsex parties. But you'll also have to wade through the dregs and drug wrecks. Being made airtight by a married insurance salesman with a comb-over and a 40-something Kylie fan with wispy dyed blonde hair is hardly living the dream.
 

High and horny chemsex ain't glam

Think of orgies, and one recalls the Roman Empire. Endless champagne, mountains of fruit, and mind-blowing sex with human gods. But the high and horny reality is often very different. Forget sumptuous palaces or even upscale hotel rooms. Think instead of squalid bedsits with eye-level grills, filthy mattresses, and spunk-strewn headboards - a ghastly set-up indeed.


Still image from the Vice film documentary chemsex.
 

It's all a little sordid

Let's talk a little about H&H hedonism. So, what does a chillout look like? The main event – such as it is – will occur in one room. Perhaps the living room of a 1980s housing association flat. Blinds will be firmly drawn. The place will be reeking of sweat, stale poppers, fags, meth, and far too many lost chances.

Then there will be the 'drug room.' By this, we mean the place to shoot up, of which the bathroom and kitchen are the usual options due to wipe clean floors for any spilt blood - lovely. Then you'll often have a 'break out' area, which is a place for a breather from what is – or more often is not – happening. And it's also the ideal place to slink away to when you feel that catastrophic comedown dawning.

The waves of high and horny pleasure – and boredom

The whole point of chemsex is that it makes you fuck for hours. It promises to turn you into an insatiable sex-machine. But it doesn't do what it says on the tin. Yes, the drugs can make the sex animalistic. But they can't make you super-human. Firstly, Crystal Meth may well arouse you for hours, but it can also make it impossible to reach orgasm.

Secondly, the body has ways of shutting down. For this reason, you'll find the sex – and sexual pleasure – at chemsex parties comes in waves. And in the middle of these waves, you'll find a lot of dosing and possibly a few GHB comas dotted in between. Hardly as exciting as one might hope. Boring, even. Sometimes deadly.
 

Getting deep and meaningful – or not

So, you get to the chillout, at the height of your H&H powers, and what do you find? Often not the full-throttle shaftathon you were anticipating. Picture instead walking into a room and finding a small group sitting around in various states of undress deliberating the horrors of Brexit or Trump. The more wasted one gets the more nonsense one spouts, usually confident that they're debating existential truths.

But in between the inane chatter – and the constant swiping of smartphones in search of the next victim at this sexual McDonalds - there can be surprisingly beautiful moments. Hopes, dreams and disappointments may be shared, but there can also be moments of genuine connection and tenderness. The challenge is then taking them back into the real world.
 

What comes up must come down

Every action has consequences. Even a child knows that. But still, some gay men rush from one drug-filled orgy to another like children in a sweet shop. You can only delay the comedown for so long.

And comedowns from Crystal can be devastating. Are the payoffs worth it? Or is a life of H&H becoming a game of diminishing returns? Know the facts about chems and reach out for help if you need it. Take responsibility. It's your body – and your choice.

What are your experiences with being high and horny? Is chemsex passé? Comment below or in our forum.


Cover image: model released from Shutterstock