Why are all the good guys either straight, taken or a million miles away? - Looking for LOVE!!!

[Deleted Member]

It's always been the same, I guess. Anyone who's cute, hot or in anyway interesting always turns out to be straight, taken - or they live in South Western Australia!

Is this fate, bad luck - or an alien plot to keep me all lonely & miserable??

[Deleted Member]

Good question. I'd like to know myself. Guess it doesnt help that I live where I do but I hear that even from people in big cities..

[Deleted Member]

I'm in Cardiff &gt it's a fairly big city and is described as having a 'thriving gay community' &gt yet no one's around or available. Frustrating.

[Deleted Member]

they say that about most cities, but that still leaves most of the good ones taken or straight or whatever else...

[Deleted Member]

I know... it's enough to drive a man to distraction! It's a bit lonely, to be honest, and I'm not the most outgoing person. Bad combination!

[Micheal_Snyder]

well i am really close to atlanta and i am alone also all the guys want here is sex sex and more sex dang wheres the love i am tired of just hook-ups for an hour and after they get dressed and leave never to be seen again!!!!!!! i would like to think i am a good person and i am not taken straight or a slut! lol

[David_Chaille]

What everyone is saying here matches my experience. Mo t of the guys online are just cruising for casual hook-ups and anonymous sex. In contrast, i am an affectionate and romantic guy who is relationship-oriented. Please don't get me wrong. I like intimacy as much as anyone, but I prefer to find a monogamous partner.

I will never understand why guys from other parts of the country and and from other countries contact me. On a purely practical level, it is virtually impossible to date someone who lives far away. Dating is a process that takes time. You need to spend a lot of time (dates) with another person before you know that he is a good match.

I realize that my age (66) and my HIV status (HIV+) present challenges. However, I know that here is someone out there for me.

David
Long Beach, California, USA

Stats: Single retired, Caucasian Gay bottom, age 66, 5'5", 141 lbs., brown hair, non-smoker, non-drinker, no ***, very healthy, extremely affectionate

[Deleted Member]

I know right?? My boyfriend is like 600 miles away and it sucks that I can't physically be with him...Time needs to fast forward to April

[Ro****]

I can't really say I've got too much experience in this area, but most of my female friends always say the opposite. That every cute guy they meet is gay. In fact in most of their words, all the good men are either gay or taken. I think it's just that either there are too few gay & bisexual people, or there are too few who are afraid to just come out and be themselves. It's a distinct possibility considering it took me almost 4 years to realize I'm just as attracted to men as I am to women.

[Deleted Member]

Well it can't be both, that all the good ones are gay or taken, and straight or taken - but the fact that there are far fewer gays/bis than straights means it's got to be the latter! Or to be fair to both sides I would just say all the good ones are taken, naturally. (or too far apart to meet)
And yeah, the inability to be outwardly gay is a problem I know well.. Then there's the impossibly high standards everyone sets - we all have our flaws, but it seems everyone wants someone who has their sh!t together, a job, outgoing, etc etc. and cute to boot. Good luck!

[Ro****]

I agree with that. And really, you hit the nail on the head. When it comes right down to it, a job and a soul are all I really tend to look for. As long as you're healthy, I don't tend to worry too much about appearances.

[Deleted Member]

Well I dont have a job so you've just illustrated my point, but I can understand that!

[Ro****]

how is having a job and a soul impossibly high standard? I'm quite sure there's a logical reason to that.

[Deleted Member]

Logical reason for what, my lack of a job? Perhaps but I dont want to get into that. Point is if you don't have a job you're automatically undesirable, tho I doubt all jobless guys should be passed over.. (and I'm not fishing for something here, just saying my bit!)

[Deleted Member]

I'm quite pleased something I wrote has actually attracted responses!

I got pretty pissed off that a recent government census here in the UK suggested that only 4% of the population were gay or bi. Makes me think there'll be less emphasis on equality / rights in the future. My point though, is that even now in 2010, in a so-called liberal state, most people if asked to declare their sexuality would not feel comfortable admitting they're gay or bi. If they were, the 4% would be closer to 10% or even a tad higher, if you take real life & proper surveys into account!

With a job or unemployed.. doesn't make any difference to me, as long as he's not a serial sponger, lol! It's the person that's important, their ways, their manner, and if I'm honest, their morals.

I'm not a purist or a nutcase, but I'm not an alley cat that goes around having dubious liaisons with strangers, would not hang out with a scamp and am looking for friends, or someone special - not pointless hook-ups.

I'm disappointed at the number of guys up here who seem to have loose morals and the need for anonymous, sterile sex. It actually turns me cold!

[Ro****]

I think most guys are like that, sadly enough. Or they're afraid to come out and will take what they can get under the table, so to speak. Personally, I've just given up on the idea of dating altogether. It's begun giving me a migraine, and migraines for me often lead to hospital visits..

[Deleted Member]

I've never bothered, I don't really do sex, so it's never been a big or precious thing. I don't like this 'straying ***' tag that gays seem to have earned themselves, and I've never identified with that mind set. If I'm honest &gt I find it very distasteful.

I would date, but it would be for times out, meals, etc. I'd not want anything physical - that would never happen unless I met someone who's a perfect match in terms of how I see things.

As that's not going to happen, I just sit here & write about it!

[Deleted Member]

About the polls, I have seen more than once that the most accurate, unbiased, anonymous polls show about 4% of men are gay... Not sure if that includes bi, but the hordes of ads I see on craigslist for instance, that say 'straight' or 'bi/curious', 'married' etc looking for cock, must mean that number only represents strictly gay guys...
I'd prefer a LTR myself, but in my situation, I can understand the compulsion to seek out NSA sex - if you like sex, it's better than nothing (in lieu of a BF) I would think. There seems to be lots of it available out there, unlike suitable boyfriends. But you may be right about the Afraid to Come Out and Be a Gay Man thing..
So here's another question that comes from this: Are bisexuals more likely to keep their gay side in the closet or suppress it altogether because it's easier for them to fit the 'straight' mould? -getting a GF/wife/whatever.. and not take part in gay culture, the gay rights movement etc? Seems like a lot of them out there that do this. I'd also like to know how many bi's have chosen a bf/husband over a gf/wife.

[Ro****]

I find that people seem to care less that I'm bisexual even when they see me date a guy because they seem to think "Oh, well. it's just a phase. He'll eventually settle down with a woman." or something like that. My father's actually come out and said something very similar, and since I do date both guys and girls, that seems to be the only reason I can conceive of that they don't treat me the same as everyone else. It's really quite odd..

[Deleted Member]

So if you were fully gay like me, you think they would be less likely to say it's 'just a phase'?

[David_Chaille]

I must admit my own bias. I tend to avoid guys who self-identify as bisexual. Some are really in a transitional phase as they accept the fact that they are Gay. I prefer to date men who have no problem with their sexual orientation. I would be uncomfortable with someone who is highly closeted or hiding behind a bisexual label.

Other people are truly bisexual and feel equally comfortable being intimate with men or women. In fact, they may enjoy the difference between heterosexual sex and homosexual sex. Many Gays tend to dismiss bisexuality and claim that these people are really Gay. I disagree. I believe that bisexual people do exist. Nevertheless, I would tend not to date a bisexual man for *** that he could never be fully satisfied only in a Gay relationship.

I realize that the above statements are broad generalizations. It is important to judge every person on his/her own merits. As Voltaire once wrote:

"All generalities are false..................including this one!"

I am HIV positive and there are many men who are afraid to have sex with me. I don't blame them for their ***. I completely understand that their *** is often rooted in ignorance and myth. Since I am on treatment and undetectable, guys are probably safer being intimate with me than with a random stranger that they pick up in a bar.

Whether it's the "bisexual" label or "HIV" label", society needs to get past the broad stereotypes that are often untrue.

David
100% Gay and HIV positive
"specialbottom"
Long Beach, California

[Deleted Member]

I have the same concerns as you David. I'm glad I'm not the only one..
I don't want this to become an inquisiton on Bi guys but it's good to have these question out there that so far have gone unanswered for many of us maybe because everybody's too afraid to ask them.

[Ja****]

I feel the same way. It seems like every interesting guy I find turns out to be straight. Serious bad luck here.

[David_Chaille]

Let me be absolutely clear. There is nothing wrong with being truly bisexual. Whether a man is bisexual or Gay, he is still part of a minority. It bothers me when people within the broader Gay Community choose to adopt discriminatory view point against another minority (race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, HIV status, etc.).

On a personal level, I hesitate to date a bisexual man because I *** that he will not be fully satisfied with only a same-sex partner. I seek someone interested in a committed and monogamous relationship. I do not want to be with a man who also needs a woman to complete his desire for sexual diversity. If I were in a relationship with a bisexual man, I would worry that he would cheat behind my back with women. In a way, this is very much like a man who is married to a women but has sex with men on the "down-low." I guess that the question I am raising is "Can a bisexual man be faithful in a same-sex relationship?" The answer, I would guess, is that it depends on the person.

The other issue involving "bisexuality" is whether the person is truly attracted to both sexes or whether his declaration of bisexuality is a cover-up of his homosexual orientation. I have known guys who have had sex with women and who have later discovered Gay sex. During their transition, they adopted the label "bisexual" as a way to make themselves more comfortable and seem more within the societal norms. On some level, it is another way of being closeted.

As for straight men, I have no interest in converting them to my lifestyle or even seducing them into a casual fling. To attempt this is tantamount to sexual harassment. I only look for men who accept themselves as Gay and who feel totally comfortable reciprocating both emotionally and sexually.

David
"Specialbottom"
Long Beach, California

[Ro****]

You're both right. I have found myself questioning that every time I've been in a relationship. Hell, I've questioned that before every date I've gone on since I accepted that I am a bisexual. I always think that if I go out with a woman, what about the other side of me that finds happiness with other men, and vice versa. In 4 years I still haven't figured that out. And honestly, I don't think I ever will..
And I agree with you completely, David, on the matter of discrimination. I've noticed that a great deal here. Most gays of any minority are pretty much ignored, even when they're the most amazingly beautiful men, inside and out. I've noticed it with girls too, but not to that level.