broken heart - Looking for LOVE!!!

[Na****]

how do you get over a 23 year realtionship

[elSac08]

Don't know honey, I'm still having trouble getting over an almost 3 year relationship that ended 3 years ago. From this perspective, I wonder why I stayed so long; happy that it's over, but still full of resentment over the way it ended. I guess that assholes will be assholes, and they have many disguises! Getting over it, however, does offer some degree of freedom. Good luck!

[Na****]

i dont want to end it i have been trying everything she just is short when we talk then hangs up i dont want to lose her

[Deleted Member]

Nadine Honey, i don`t believe that we can ever totally get over a break up at any amount of time. 23 years is a very long time. And i can`t say that any of my relationships have ever lasted even close to that long, so i can`t say that i know how you feel, because in a big way i don`t. But i do know that it is very hard to get through any break up. You said she is short with you and hangs up on you. Since i don`t know the whole story and it is none of my business, But is she seeing someone else? It has been my experience that, well in one of my relationships he was seeing someone else. Gay male relationships are different than gay female relationships in that for some reason men don`t want to committ or don`t know what committment means. But i have found that gay women know what it is and hold it dear to their hearts. Whether or not she is seeing someone else, the only thing that you can do is let her go for now, give yourselves some time to cool down and to let things settle down. I found that with my relationship, i, like you, have tried to talk to him, but i came to the tough conclusion that i had to excuse myself from the whole situation with him. I told him that i am his best friend and anytime he needs to talk, or vent that i am here for him, i will be his backboard and he can talk to me about anything, including his sexual frustrations. I will listen. believe me it hurts like hell sometimes, to hear what he has to say but it is helping him and that is what i am concerned with is him. If he wont allow me to love him and be with him then i will do what it takes to honor his wishes, while at the same time staying his best friend. And who knows what will happen in the future between him and i. Yet right now i only concern myself with his well being. And i don`t think about anything that could be. I will take care of today, tomorrow will take care of itself, and the past, well it doesn`t exist anymore. Try this honey, be her best friend in everyway. Take care of today and let tomorrow take care of itself and the past is gone. As far as i can tell it works real well. At the same time, go out with other people, your friends, your family, keep yourself buisy. Join a gym. I suggest 24 hour fitness. They have alot of gay folks that go to that gym for some reason. Meet other gay ladies and men too, you will be surprised at the friendships you will make, and don`t close any doors, meaning don`t pass up an opportunity to be with someone. It is not easy, believe me but don`t close yourself to happiness. You deserve to be happy. And you will be, if you keep those doors wide open. Thank you for reading this. i hope it helps.

[Johnny_David]

Wow. 23 years. I would say,day,by day.

[Deleted Member]

Although Kelly can't relate, I can. 23 years is a life time investment. I'm just after coming out of a 16 year one myself. We simply grew apart and, I fell "out of love" with him. He had his own agenda and sadly, I wasn't part of it. Ce la vie, right? So, after a year of seeing a guidance councilor/psychologist, she put me on the spot, outlined our year session and told me to make a decision, since he wasn't. So, I did and ended it, once and for all. Like yourself, I tried to do everything within my own power, to turn things around and failed at every attempt. No, he wasn't seeing anyone else (puhleeze, he looked his age and ironically, I don't... we are both 45). He is finding out now that life at 45 isn't the same like when we first met. Dating? Like the men today understand what this really is?

It really is hard letting go, but as each day progresses, it gets much easier. As for going to a gym to meet other singles, ok, lets clear the air on THAT misconception ok? Gay men don't go to meet other gay men, more like oggle and gossip. They seldom get anything done, since going to the gym is for one main purpose... to work out. I've not seen any gay women at the gym. I've seen many straight women, no gay. Gay women are elusive and tend to do other things. Gay women don't support bars that much, they tend to attend small gatherings, dances etc. If you're close to a gay community center, see if there are any groups for gay women. This is a good starting point. Stop calling your ex. She'll keep hanging up on you, until such time she is ready to talk. It is now time for you to start thinking about yourself. Quite a bit has changed, since you're hook up. It will take time to adjust and move forward, baby steps. Personally speaking, I loathe being single. I've had 2 long term relationships in my life. Sadly, GOD took my first. My 2nd, I ended it. If I'm fortunate enough to get a 3rd, then I'll be a very lucky gay man! But, I'm not really looking, for like I've said time and time again, when you don't look, it will find you. Keep yourself busy. I found that this helped me. IF you so happen to close that door, leave a window open but but a guard, around your heart. I allowed 1 man to get into this guarded area. He managed to infiltrate this guarded area. Big mistake. He wasn't prepared to handle, what he un locked. It scared the shit out of him! You never unlock someone's Pandora's Box and expect everything to be ok. I have long since closed my own box, placed it on a rather high perch and rein***d the walls, that keep it safe. This man has now returned to what life it was, that he had, long before meeting me. Our time wasn't our own, since he was just dealing with the loss of his own partner and I personally felt like I was, the replacement. He kept telling me that I wasn't, yet the similarities and traits I had (my normal self), reminded him to much of his deceased. Hello? Ummm, I think you need a bit more time to get over your loss, so I did what I had to do (again) and simply, put this little fish back into the pond and just informed him, when you're ready, you know how to find me.

So Nadine, give yourself the time to heal and move forward. Stop hounding her for answers and/or to talk. When she is ready, she will, or won't. Obviously she has other plans for herself and sadly, you're not in them. Baby steps and if you have a good circle of friends, pull them closer. In times like these, sometimes a good friend, really helps with the transition back into society.

Wishing you all the best now and into the future... TK

[Deleted Member]

Thank you TK. I am at a loss for words. I do have alot to learn and i am glad that you are here in this group. Thank you for your input, I just learned some new things myself from your statements here. Thank you again.

[Deleted Member]

I am everywhere in here, since there's so many groups/topics that are slightly to hard not to jump into. I guess I'm just someone with a wealth of information and I've done so much is such a short period of time. Life is a learning experience and although my own experiences may not be of someone else's, any extra insight tends to help.

[elSac08]

Wow, Krystoffer - those really sound like words of wisdom. Than Q

[Deleted Member]

You are right honey, everyone in here has or should have something to say concerning the subjects that we talk about here. My hope for everyone in this group up to and including myself, is that we all can walk away fromeach discussion edified and that we can all become better people for it. It doesn`t matter who you are or where you are from we all experience some of the same things in life, for some it may be something that lasted for years and for others it may be something that lasted for just a few months. But we are all going through some of the same things. And i appreciate the people in this group and your insights and your knowledge and the love and passion that i can see that is deep in everyones heart.

[Johnny_David]

I've had my heart broken a few times. It sucks,but life goes on.