Heartbroken.>>Help!!! - Love and Romance

[Deleted Member]

Ok so heres my story. My fiance came home early fri morning telling me she needs to find her and is planning on getting a place of her own cause she needs to find her and do her....watever the fuck that means. so we got into an argument and i told her that i couldnt be w her if she wanted to just move out and be on her own after 4 yrs...i mean you cant just take that big step back you know? so i apologixed an hr later and begged her not to leave, that im sorry for what i said and couldn live w out her. She told me to stop begging like a dog, that she needs to do her and that she feels tied down and doesnt know what shes gonna do but cant be w me right now. I cried and begged for her to stay. she didn even call on sun for my bday. she said she hates me and forgives me for what i said but needs to figure her out and cant be with me right now. im so broken. we talked today before i went to work...and she cried to me telling me she missed me and cant love anyone else or be w anyone else but yet she hates me right now. when we fought things did get out of hand but weve never had a bad relationship. we were engaged and happy. i don understand wat happened????! when we fought she did hit me and push me around and she called me horrible names but i forgave her because thats how much i care and love her!!! our love is to strong to just drop 4 yrs as if they never happened. i told her today that i get it and i understand that she doesnt wanna be with me anymore n i kept asking her to just tell me that this is for sure wat she wanted...that its officially over and shes moving on. i need to hear those words so that i can try and move on. She couldn answer me..all she said was i cant say that cause things could change in the future. Im broken n dyin w out her. she says that if i find someone else then it would be her lost. I just wanna hear the words out her mouth that she done w me and shes officially moving on and wants nothing to do with me....y wont she just give me that.?

[Deleted Member]

She;\'s trying to hold on to you, she is playing games with you, you're lucky to be out of that abusive relationship

[Starles_Johnson]

This is a hard one! I'm a big believer in talking out everything! So I think you need to tell her, okay ive heard what you had to say now its my turn! And telling everything you've every wanted to say! But before you do that, ask yourself do you want someone who will just drop four years of love, for some unknown reason! Or do you deserve better! And you know she might be feeling guilty about something wrong she's doing, that's why its so all of a sudden !

[Deleted Member]

Are you better off with her or without her?

[Deleted Member]

I know its wrong to say but im better with her. i love her so much that im willing to work it out, she says she needs to control her anger and do her for awhile, she swears up and down that there is no one else and that she cant love or be with anyone else. if she wants to officially not ever have me in her life and never wants to work it out then i need to hear it for ME so i can try and move on and accept it. I want her to tell me ok, im done..im moving on, its over and i never wanna b w u again, n she wont fuckin say it. i havent eaten in days, i cry out loud for her everyday. shes the one who proposed shes the one who got my hopes up about life together and a family and now its just like WTF. she says she cant b w me right now...so then y wont she just let me go? i still have stuff of hers that i need to drop off to her but it hurts to much to look at her and know she aint mine. she even said that she just cant be around me right now...i know i hurt her by ending it but i tried so fuckin hard and still am to get her back and she wont budge. she cries for me and says she misses me and loves me...so what the fuck is the hold up. If u don wanna be w me then tell me for sure...tell me u dont wanna be here w me or ever again...u know? i don wanna hear the bullshit of oh i cant be w u right now but maybe later down the road. Im so frustrated and hurt...u either want someone or u dont and i want her so wat is she waiting for!?

[Ab****]

shes playing u babe sorry to say but shes keeping u around like my ex did 2 me so shel hav a 'safe date', a person who will always b there no matter wat. ur her safety net incase she needs someone but cant find any1 else.shel tell u she loves u & misses u but wont jump @ the chance 2 get u back.its a shitty deal but thats wat it sounds like 2 me....

[Ne****]

I also believe she's playing games and for some reason she wants to keep you in the dark of what she wants,sounds to me she's hiding something from you,she's not being open and honest with you,anyone that ***s someone they supposibly love doesn't deserve a second chance,thats a red flag to get out of that bad situation,no matter how much you love them,it's not healthy relationship,the *** will continue,try to stay strong.............

[Su****]

Sounds like you really love her and I sympathize with your situation. I agree with Abbey about the safety net deal. The fact that she has already put her hands on you in the past and has anger issues raises a big red flag to me. Couples get angry with each other and argue, that's normal, but when someone starts to hit, there is a problem. I have been with me love for 16 years and we have had many a heated discussion. There are times when we both got so angry we could hit, but we did not. The love and respect is too great for such a disrespectful act.
With that said, the only advise I could give would be to let her go and do her thing. If her love is real, and if the love is true, it will work out in the end. But no one deserves to be left hanging in the sidelines until the other is ready. That is selfish on her part. You say you love her and don't want to be without her; then let her go [temporarily], wait for her and see what happens. But you should never have to beg for anything or anyone.

[Ab****]

while my ex didnt *** me physically she damaged my already sensitive psychi.i hate myself even more & for no other reason than she made me feel like i was a nobody to her & everything that happend was my fault.i would run from that relationship hunny.a person who beats another doesnt love them & if they do they need help.we all understand this will b hard for u but wer all here for u wen things go down u got friends for ever here

[Deleted Member]

Thank you all so much especially ABBEY AND SUSAN. Susan im glad you kinda understand where im coming from and thanks for the advice. Abbey you made me smile knowing i have other people to talk too. XoXo to everyone.

[Deleted Member]

You're better off without her, get your stuff, give her her stuff and cry a lot, then slowly heal and you will have moved on

[Deleted Member]

they are all right that it is a power play. It is hard to say it is oficial over and lose a 4 year relationship. You need to cry and and maybe journal and maybe later spend some time with some friend and move on. Sorry.

[Ab****]

yea breaking up is never easy to do, but wer all here for u. right ladies

[Deleted Member]

absoluley, and we have all been there. Come back as many times as you need and bend out ears.

[Su****]

Destiney – I understand how angry one can get and I understand how strong one can feel for another. I love my wife and I don’t know what I would ever do without her. I am no expert in relationships by any means, but what experience I do have, I would share if it helps. I know 4 years is a long time to be with someone. I was with my ex for almost 3 years and it was, well, a difficult break up. But I did get over it and I found the one who I am truly to be with. As I said, it’s been 16 years now and yes, we have been through many, many difficult times and those times did include anger and harsh words. But at the end of the day, we have respect and love for one another. More importantly, we share the love of god together.
You will find that one person who is meant for you and you for her; whether it’s this current person [giving the benefit of the doubt] or someone else. Love yourself enough and respect yourself enough to accept nothing less that the love and respect you deserve from another.
So far, it looks like you have a good group of people here to lend an ear.
Good luck to you.

[Ne****]

Amen!! Perfectly said Susan.........

[Ab****]

truer words hav never been spoken

[Deleted Member]

Susan and Teri are right, stay in touch, we have all been there, we are here for you as we are here for each other

[Deleted Member]

Distiney,
Women will be women and love can make you blind sometimes, especially in your situation, it feelz like your world is coming to and end and the *** is so deep and it feels like it will never stop, but it does..First and formost" no itz not ok for anyones to lay there handz on you, you must empower yourself and be the bigger person and make the call for her, because after four year you should know what you want, need, and love, and surely history will repeat itself, and she will hit you again, you deserve better then that. You are a beautiful women dnt ever think that there is no one better then her, there is, if she does not have the balls to tell you its over, or like Susan said u are her safety net, let it go, on her behalf i am sure she loves you but if she does love you like she says she loves you then encourage her to go to either couples counseling or some freaking anger managment, any love that is true is worth all the extra miles ..Be kind to yourself and love you first..Best of luck girlie.

[Jeanie_Baker]

I have not read anyone elses post-
I read yours over twice to make sure what I say and feel will be most sincere.
Your lover is very confused because she has probably met someone who has swept her off her feet and she won't give you that final answer because I feel she is waiting to see how this other relationship she found works out and wants to have you as the fall back because she knows there is security there.
She is not being honest with herself or you.
My best advice is to move on because if she ever does come back she will do this to you again if someone else comes along and pleases her.
Find out what went wrong with the relationship- do some soul searching-
be honest with yourself - see if you can see what she saw and what became bored with. Some people just are not happy with themselves so they keep searching for the ultimate dream life.
Well- hello - there is usually no dream life but reality and sometimes it is the reality that spooks us.