im out and shes not ! - Love and Romance

[Starles_Johnson]

i came out last year to my family , and i was shocked and happy that they took it so well ! well some of them ! .... so i assumed it would be that easy for my gf to do the same because her mom was cool !but it was a different story ! she was fine with it for about week , then it was like we unleashed a freaking homophobic monster!! she doesnt allow my gf to see me or speak to me ! but of course we find a way to sneak around ! i was all for it at first , because im willling to do whatever to be with her and i refusue to let someone bias opinion destroy what we have , even if it is her mom, but it gets really overwhelming to keep coming up with these lies , and stories to get her out the house and when we finally get to go out its like were running from the police , constanly looking over our shoulders , so what i need help with is ..... i just want some tips i guess on how to stay focused on my relatinship and not so much on the drama! how can i talk to my gf without feeeling like im telling her to go against her mom or choose me over her mom?

[Deleted Member]

how old are the two of you and where do you live? Do you have some friends house to go to where you can meet? this is going to be a problem for anyone for your gf. If you care about her, then try to work this out for her and for you to see her. Sooner or later she willl have to move out of her house as her mother is not going to accept her lifestyle while she is living there. maybe sometime in the future she may change, but for now i dont see it. Also, see if there is a pflag group in your area for her mother. pflag is parents and freinds of lesbians and gays. It is a support group and may help her with understanding and acceptance. it may help her eventually if she will listen. But for now, you are going to have to figure out ways to see each other even though her mother opposes the two of you starcrossed lovers wanting to see each other. sort of a romeo and juliet story. lol. but so much more romantic. I am here if you want to talk some more. hugs to you both. I had some problems like this too. I understand.

[Starles_Johnson]

im 20 and shes 18 so her mom seems to think because im 2 years older that im controling her ! more drama lol im working on my own place but right now i live with my *** who is very accepting and loves my gf so this is where we kinda of meet up with out worrying about being seen , i mentioned support groups for all of us to go to , but her mom wont even listen to her , and i know she wont listen to me , so im being patient and standing by my honey thanks so much , xoxoxoxo and yes i would love to talk to you so more , i didnt think other ppl would understand !

[Deleted Member]

Well, I am glad you are both of age you dont need moms consent, but it is her home so she can dictate life in her home and make life for her in the house. We need some plausable place for her to go. Have you checked out any lesbian places in the area, social places where you can meet to find other lesbian and maybe they can be helpful? I dont know where you live and wish I could help the two of you out. Her mom sounds like she will fight this tooth and nail. She wont accept her daughter is a lesbian and wants so blame you for it. that is easier for her to accept so you might have to use that as a way to get her away from her mother. Sorry that is the way her moms eyes see it, but somehow it might have to use this to your advantage. I am not sure how, but might have to get another person to help on this.See about finding another friend to help her get out and spend time with you till she can get completely away from her mother. It is great to be with family, but they shouldnt rule your love life or be an adult at some point. I wish you luck and keep me posted. hugs

[Starles_Johnson]

yes and thats the bad part because she lives there she has no choice butto follow the "rules" but she has friends who help us to escape lol sometime , my *** and bestfriend help alot , i guess were just taking one day at a time , im trying to learn to maybe make something postive out of this but its hard when im being blamed ! and called whores ! but being with her i forget all that crap and enjoy our time , so i guess thats a way to cope with it , and her mom is def. gonna fight this till she see *** smh ! but i work adn so does my gf were both in college and its only a matter of time before we can move out and leave this behind us , i think in some crazy way this is gonna make us stronger as a couple and appreciate eachother , thanks again teri your amazing !! i wish you did live close lol so i could hug you lol !!

[Jo****]

I was told that absence makes the heart grow fonder, which I think you & your g/f have. When I came out to my parents, my dad blames my uncle for me being gay, so I understand what your going through. As long as your love for one another grows stronger everyday, It won't matter what her mom says.

[Starles_Johnson]

@ jodie thanks , ill keep that in mind ! whenever it starts th get to me !

[Deleted Member]

well, if you get to Ohio, i will be waiting for that hug. LOL. seriously, do what you have to make this work for the two of you. Somebody always seems to want to but in to two love birds being happy. Dont let them. Find ways to make it work. Communicate with your mate about things and I want to hear the latest. I wish there were more I could do for you. Just keep on doing what you are doing. You've been doing a good job, its just hell getting all the shit put on you, but she is worth it , isnt she?

[Starles_Johnson]

yes she is ! lol okay

[Jeanie_Baker]

Tell your girlfriend to talk to her mothe when she knows sheis in a good mood talk to her about how much she loves her and that is was important for her to be honest with her and tell her that she understands her mothers ***s and that gays today are more responsible and more and more people are accepting us each day.
We have so many great qualities and one of those is accepting and loving everyone and hopefully one day she will understand. Something like that. It won't happen over night but tell her to tell her mom that she wants to be close to her but if she never accepts her it will make their relationship very hard and your gf does not want that to happen.

[Deleted Member]

yea Jean, another one to come to tell you we are behind you. you have not met all the rest of the support group. there are many here for you.

[Deleted Member]

Hi Starles, I hate to see you go behind the mother's back, chances are she knows this is going on, but I wish she would understand and want the best for her daughter, this is not the way to show it, there is only a two year difference and she is 18, once she leaves home, the two of you will be able to show your love to the WORLD!