How do you break down your walls without being afraid of the vulnerabiltiy? - Love and Romance

[Deleted Member]

I'm a very sweet, caring, and affectionate (not clingy) kinda girl. So I show whoever I'm with my romantic side. I'm the old fashioned romancer with flowers and picnics and watching the sunset and looking at the stars at night. I have no problem being romantic to someone else, but when it comes to them showing me affection I get scared of being *** and throw up a wall. My question is...how can i break this wall down without the urge to run from the vulnerability I feel?
Am I alone on this or are there more out there with this ***?

[Sa****]

Hi Leanne. I had my walls up for the last three years, so I know excactly how you feel! First and foremost you need to be ready to let your walls down. Mine wasn't just a wall, mine was a sky high brick wall that didn't let anyone even close to my heart. A close friend of mine from Canada, who knows her psychological stuff, helped me take my wall down. She told me to get up everyday and instead of a wall, imagine just a piece of string. She said to picture this everyday, until the wall is all but forgotten. I think if your mental image of the wall is gone, the "real" wall around your heart is too...it worked for me in anyway. Hope I didn't explain it too abstract, I am sure she did a much better job of explaining with me! xx

[Deleted Member]

Well I think you need to find someone worth taking the wall down for. Whoever your partner is should either stick by the wall until your ready to open up or atlest pull out the hulk and try to smash it lol. Sorry was watching cartoons this morning. lmao 25 and still watching cartoons, love it! It's hard to let people in when your not comfortable with it yet but anyone who really wants to be their would understand that.

[Deleted Member]

Sarah: that actually did make perfect sense so thank you, i'll have to try that.

Dom: someone tried to hulk it once and it hurt more than anything because feeling pressure made it worse. hahaha there's nothing wrong with cartoons, i'll be watching them till im in the ground or furnace lol. i feel bad sometimes because i wanna let people in but they just needa be patient with me and some people wanna rush everything.

[Teresa_Silvers]

To first break down walls u have built, you must be willing to let them down in order to let someone else in. Being *** is all part of life. Who knows when the walls come crumbling down something wonderful may happen.

[Deleted Member]

Well I stood next to my woman and was very paitient and over time she started to open up to me. It kinda upset me sometimes because she never wanted to talk but I was their for when she was ready.

[Deleted Member]

The walls arnt just walls but filters to see whos willing to put in the time and effort to get past them. The people who are willing to put in the time and effort and energy are the ones that I am willing to do the same for

[Deleted Member]

Teresa: I feel like I have to fight myself to even take one brick down even if I really want to. Is it bad to say that I'm so used to be treated the same way all the time that I don't know how I would handle "wonderful?"

Dom: Well, your woman is very lucky to have such an understanding gf by her side then

Amber: I think you've got it. I don't wanna just have my walls down to everyone because then I wouldn't know if they really cared. I don't wanna have them so strong that it takes 10 increbible hulks to break it down either though lol

[Deleted Member]

Lol Past tense we are Not! together anymore she left me for a dude she worked with. But I still stood by her, when we split I paid the bills her credit card gave her money and helped her pack her shit. She was gonna leave when I was at work was looking for apartments behind my back and I still helped her. I'm way to nice!

[Deleted Member]

Ohhh I'm sawey hun. I know the feeling, being caring sucks somedays lol

[Teresa_Silvers]

Sometimes ur walls can crumble down without u even being aware that they are crumbling down around u. Thats when something wonderful happends.

[Deleted Member]

or someone just walks right past them.... thoughs are the worth while people

[Sa****]

i know how you feel but i am a little diffent i dont have wall up to the people i know if when a guy friend or a girl friend till me they are into me that i put them up or when i am skair there a guy i been chating to for 8 month know an he dont know how to take me bing by he has his on wall up but i been staying by him an i think one day we me an him will both take the wall we have for each other down together an we will e happy together.

[Deleted Member]

Teresa and Amber: So should I quit focusing on my wall and maybe it will be easier to let someone in?

[Deleted Member]

I think thats a good idea dont focus so much on the wall and focus on the qualities in the person trying to get past it

[Jeanie_Baker]

Yea- I agree with Amber and Teresa. Once you meet someone and know for sure they want you for you and are accepting and not judgmental. I use to take my wall down too quickly and get hurt but I know its not me its them. I did nothing to them, they were not real. But I bowed out before it got ugly and moved on. You will be able to tell who you can let your wall down to when they act real and actions speak louder than words sometimes.
Dom: you sound like such a giving person and deserve someone special in your life. Caring people like yourself tend to enjoy helping others and want everyone to be happy but like myself we need to find someone special so we can be happy too, and sometimes we just need to be more self-centered and think about ourselves more so we can find true love and happiness otherwise we will always be stepped on. At least that is the way it has happened to me.
I have changed my thinking quite a bit in the last couple years, I am older and my time to have someone special in my life grows shorter so I need to find someone who wants to grow with me and cares enough to be there for me and I for her. I hope that happens for you too Dom.

[Teresa_Silvers]

When the right person comes along they will burst through those walls u have built around urself. Its like they hold a key that unlocks something special.

[Jeanie_Baker]

Very nicely put Teresa!! I like that analogy.

[Dy****]

My walls has been up since 07 and finally their coming down. My best advise is don't punish one person for what another did but don't set yourself up for a fall... Let the walls down a little at a time and realize there is no problem with keeping somethings to yourself. I consider myself being fully open with my girl but I don't present info that's not needed, asked for, or that I'm not ready to say

[Teresa_Silvers]

I recently discoved i to had up some major walls. Wasnt even aware they were there until someone special pointed that out to me. lately they have been crumbling without waring.

[Deleted Member]

DyAnn: I must say, that is great advice. I've been trying to completely knock down my walls instead of letting them go a little at a time. Thank you That seems a lot less scary.

Teresa: Walls are sneeky sometimes lol. That is awesome that someone pointed them out to you and is now making them crumble. Congratulations

Thank you everyone for all of your amazing advice, yall are so awesome!