Being Disowned. - Love and Romance

[Deleted Member]

hey im a lesbian and im proud but i really cant be out bcuz of the country im in and bcuz of my family.... yesterday i asked my *** who happens to be my bestest of best friends wat would she do if she found out i was lesbian.... she told me she'd disown me.... i was like are you serious??? and she was like yea.... i asked her y and she said it was bcuz it was goin against her believe(religion)....

so can any1 help me by telling me how they coped with being disowned or at least how they managed to keep their sexuality a secret? PLZ!!!

[Sh****]

perhaps if there is so much discrimination, you might consider moving to another country. otherwise you can never be yourself. it depends on how you feel. not too long ago, homosexuality wasnt accepted anywhere and it had to be hidden - from friends and family. they all survived... just by being low profile and very careful. Sad to hear about your *** - unfortunately, much of monotheistic abrahamic religion's stance on homosexuality is the reason why there is so much intolerance to homosexuality.

[Jo****]

hi Ann , sorry to hear about your *** so harsh in judgement. Some people do act very weird when hear the word gay. They react like it's a very big issues and blah blah .. but after sometime they will accept you as who you are. When i first tell my friend, i am gay, they were like saying that i am weirdo and say i am whacko. For me, as long as i know what i am doing and as long as i am happy, i just do what i think is best for myself.

I do have a few friends that is supportive and they say that, they are my friends, and whether i am straight or gay, it is none of their biz. They will just be my friends till the day we separated.

Dear Ann, you just be what you are, and sooner or later everyone will accept you as who you are

[Deleted Member]

Hi Ann, I feel for you and am in the same boat as you at the moment, I still haven't come out to my family and thats why I dont put my face on the site. My family is very religious and my brother is a missionary, I actualy worked in the mission 3 years ago in Africa, if my family found out I think they would go crazy. But I tell you what the only person that I would bother about would be my son and when I decide to tell someone it will be him and I am sure that he is going to be heart broken as he has been spoon fed that men should be with women and vice versa, but people adapt and at first they might go crazy but if they love you they will come around and support you.
Best luck. xx

[Deleted Member]

my family doesnt accept my sexuality so they dont have much to do with me at all. My friends are my family. If you family only loves you conditionally then where is the actual love? You are the same person, just chose to love who you want to love. You have to live your own life. You can't live it for them and be happy. What would be the point? I went through therapy to try to figure it all out. Live your life for you. Love the one person who matters.Make good friends and live for you. Hugs. Teri.

[Jo****]

Hi Marta .. good luck to you when you shared out the info to your son. But as what Teri mention there, if your family love you as who you are .. what is the preferences of the sexuality got to do with who you want to be with? Whether with the opposite sex or the same sex, as long as we ourselves feel happy and peaceful, what the heck to care about what our family member think? If they love you as their daughters / siblings, they should accept who we are with no conditions attached.

I do have supporting brothers, but my parents is very traditional thinking. I won't be sharing any of this info with them, but if they accidentally find out, I will just tell them the truth as it is.

[Ki****]

I am one of the lucky ones myself. My dad never was super religious, and as a single parent he cherished his kids no matter what we were like. My mom and stepdad are both Catholic so I was afraid to come out to them, especially cuz they had both said some pretty negative things about gay people. They would say all the nasty stuff, like "they should send them all off to an island and bomb it" and all that load of bull. But then one day, they sat me down, and were like "We know your little secret, so don't bother trying to hide it anymore."

At that point, best believe I was scared shitless. I thought I'd never get to be around them anymore, and I love my dad to death but I also love my mom and my other ***s. But what they said next surprised me. They basically told me that they love me and all their lives they had been taught over and over that gay is wrong, but they were trying as hard as they could to change a lifetime of preaching because they loved me. That was years ago. It was a little awkward at first, but nowadays my mom will randomly call me up all like "Heeeeey, Kimi! I just watched this really great movie on Lifetime, about this mom, and she finds out her daughter is gay, and like her struggles to accept it and stuff. Oh by the way how's your girlfriend?" which is also awkward but at least it's a happy awkward. =)

My point is, sometimes people accept it and move on, others might take time to come around. And then there are others who might never really come to terms with it, like my old gay friend from Nebraska. But then again his parents always treated him like hell anyway, so expecting abusive, neglecting parents to embrace their son's gayness was sorta out of the question anyway. But even as that is the case, he moved in with my old dyke friend out there in their little apartment of their own. Creative solutions are very possible, don't just look for the obvious.

Anywho, best of luck to you. Trust me, living out and getting rejected is eventually worth more than cramming yourself in a cage and hiding it all.

[Sh****]

Like Joni, my parents are very traditional.. but if push comes to shove, i will tell them the truth. After all, i've been with my gf 9 years this August! My siblings don't really care either way but they know i'm gay.

If they google my name, they'll find that i wrote a column in Asia's biggest gay site (fridae.com) so it's not like i'm trying to hide it very well

Kimberly - happy to hear your parents are okay with you!

May we all have understanding families.. but if not, it's really their loss...

[Deleted Member]

It is their loss, because you will always the same loving, adorable person you were before and they will miss out on all or your love and triumphs in life. Mine have missed out on so many things in my life and i wanted to share them with them. It hurts me, but I get over it. My friends are the love and care I get in life. My partners through life have been there when I had things to share. I am single now and someday hope to share my life with someone again. But I am a great person without my families restrictive values on my lifestyle. hugs, Teri

[Deleted Member]

hey guys thank you all so so so much.... every single thing you all said was super true..... and yea i who knows she night come around one day after i tell her... but as for now im just gonna keep it low... till the time is rite... but i swear if ppl ask me if im les i'l not lie..... thanks again.... theres a lot to think about now... heheh

[Jo****]

Ann ... dun think too much ... let nature takes places ... nothing can changed unless you wishes it to be changed. Just be yourself, and let everything move on naturally .... you will find it happier this way, rather than do tonnes of thinking and work yourself into all weird corners .... relax your mind and take things slowly. ....

Kimberly ... a pat on your back for the sharing of thoughts you have done here ....

Sharon ... as usual, we both seem to be on the same wave length ... keep it up .. Btwam congrats to you and your partner for able to make the relationship last so many years ..... ... bless you both .. !!!

[Sh****]

His Holiness the Dalai Lama famously said: If you have a problem and you can fix it, there's no need to worry, If you have a problem and you can't fix it, there's no point to worry. So either way - don't worry

[Ki****]

Haha Sharon that is a great saying to go by, I agree 100%. =) Just relax, take life as it comes and if things happen that are beyond your control, well, there wasn't anything you could have done to change it anyway, so just keep going. Life is life, it always has its ups and downs. You're gonna live through it all.

[Sh****]

Absolutely We just have to roll with the punches and get up for another day

[Deleted Member]

you guys are awesome.... but u must admit... the thought of losing ur *** n nt being able to see her kids and her kids not knowin me is freaky.... i know i'd love them to pieces...

yea this is the oni thing in my whole life i've thought about so much i wanna die... but i'd take all ur advises and try and chill... thanks again love u all...