Torn and wondering what to do - Love and Romance

[Ka****]

Hi Girlies Wondering if you might be able to help me out here. I am a married bi woman with 2 kiddos, I love my family, they are my everything, but I have run into a problem. I have been talking to this wonderful les girl, Jenn, for about 2 years and finally met her last week. I did not realize how much I liked her until we met and had an awesome night (hehehe). She is got a divorce a few months ago and is now wanting to just date women but not get into a serious relationship. My problem is that I think that I am falling in love with her and she says that is doing the same. I know that this is going to end with one or both of us getting hurt and I dont want that, but I dont want to lose her and I know she will eventually start dating other people. SIGH, what do I do? Help, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee!
Thanks and ya'll have a great Thanksgiving!

[He****]

OY! Thats rough....I think mostly it depends on what you feel about your marriage, because you are right, it cannot end well if your hubby isn't ok with you having a gf...if he is...hmmm then u may have found your loophole :-)....but coming from a girl who has kids and used to be married...you are treading in some choppy waters. My best advice is figure out what is the most important to you, and go for that.

[Ka****]

Well I'm lucky because my husband isn't concerned about me having a gf. He knows that it makes me happy.

[Ka****]

well if your husband is okay with you seeing this other girl then why do you not continue to see her? if she said that she is fallin in love with you too then maybe you guys should just keep what you have going. your situation may get a little hard considering that you do have children between you and your husband but if things with you and this girl jenn mayybe you can slowly bring her in to the family as well, maybe introduce her as an aunt depending on how old your kids are, or even just a close friend. i hope this helps a little. :]

[He****]

i think i see where you are going with this, if u guys fall in love with each other, but u have your husband, she will eventually want to have someone else also, or see other people....so maybe talk to her about it and ask her where she sees it going? and if you both are falling in love (dam us girls do that so so fast!) tell her your concerns that she will want other people and maybe that is something she is ok with not doing....

[Ka****]

OK, so this is what I got from her the other night. She posted this about me on ShyBi.com and sent it to me to read.

"Hey beautiful shys...i haven't been on in a few weeks. I have been training a few new loan officers and just had a lot going on in my personal life and have found myself in a BIG MESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...I need advise... pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ok let me start out by saying I have been talking to this girl (we will call her kat) that is married for over 2 years. Her husband knows and doesn't feel threatened by it and is ONE OF THE ONLY MEN in the world that isn't trying to stick his dick in the middle of it. Well we finally met the other night and mmmm mmmm mmmm and quadruple mmmm. She feels the same, but I had the "reality talk" with her tonight and said...no matter how much I adore you and how i can see myself falling in love with you this would never work long term. I want a partner for life and I know at the end of the day you have your family and husband you have to go back to. i just got divorced about 5 months ago I knew i wasn't ready for any serious relationship and I liked what we me and kat had and wanted to experience more of that--but make sure we were on the same page on everything.........."

I am going to have to post this in at least 2 comments so please bear with me.

[Ka****]

Lets see how much more it will let me post

".........It's sounds crazy i would rather spend time and have new experiences with a married woman rather than a women that is ready to settle down and have a family etc--I mean I am 30. It doesn't make sense to me. I'm not one that just "dates" people either. So i could never date both I don't think. I have tried to be a "DATER" lately but i just don't have it in me...I like to be honest with people even if it hurts their feelings. I think the truth is the best......"

Oh this is driving me nuts. They really need to allow larger posts and comments.

[Ka****]

".....at this point i think i am fine with having my happy lil time with Kat through the winter while I'm getting my life together until Im ready to look for a partner to spend the rest of my life with--even though i have this feeling that spending time with her is only going to make me wish it could be her--so i have to keep strong and don't ever let myself think that could ever happen.. I have always been honest with Kat about any girls I date, but i told her recently I wasn't gonna to date anyone through winter while i was just trying to get my life back together and just let things slow down a bit in my life...and plus i really want to get to know kat better and give us and her better sexual experiences together etc. Of course this is a VERY scary dangerous situation where one or probably both of us with end up eventually getting our hearts hurt...but I think that love and life is about getting your heart hurt--and it makes you into who you are...if you don't have those experiences that end up breaking your heart how can u grow and learn more about yourself."

OK, I'm done. So what do ya'll think? Am i just a stupid girl for hoping for more? Thanks for all that you ladies have said. kisses!!!

[Ka****]

wow. that must have been a lot for you to take in. at first i was worried for you because of this other girl but as i read on i realized that she is nothing for you to worry about. jen really does love you, more than i think she realizes. i can tell. i think you should stick with it. and like she said, sometimes hearts get broken, they are meant to; a heartbreak will only make you tronger, but let's hope that doesn't happen anyways. and look at it this way....would you rather love her fully and with no holding back and complications or just let it go for *** of getting hurt and miss out on all of the great things you two could experiance together.kisses back to you ma'am. :]

[He****]

nicely said Kayla...and Kat i feel for you, it is so exciting at the beginning and its wonderful that she is being as honest as possible with you....its true none of us can tell u how the future will end up...but i say if you want it, go for it, life is an adventure if u take it and i personally would rather jump in and take it...better than looking back on my life in years and saying man oh man what would it have been like if i had just tried it?
I was a bit crazy after my divorce and I can understand where your girl is at...but let me tell u how things went for me, just so you can see that things dont always go the way we intend for them to go.....
I was dating this pretty awesome guy, I always had dated guys previously in my life, and I starting realizing I had feelings for this girl I knew. He encouraged me to get to know her a little better, It was so confusing to me because I never thought of dating a girl, messing around with one sure, but I hadn't ever truly wanted to be with a girl b4 this one came along. Anyways, a few months later we started dating, she had always been with boys, knew that she would eventually marry a guy and have kids with him ect. Her family and community had ***d that mindset on her, so she was dead set on it. We agreed to just enjoy each other (and trust me we did!) and after a couple months of enjoying each other and dating the guys we each were dating, she said screw this, I want u to be mine, just mine please stop dating anyone else .....

[He****]

and be my girl.
It took me a couple months, but I straightened things out and she and I have been together for over two years, live together and she even proposed to me a few weeks ago.
Im not saying it won't bring tears and heartache, but its possible that things will go in a direction that you don't expect. I think ur girl sounds like she cares for you a lot, and that is a wonderful thing, your husband is ok with you exploring it and not trying to have a 3some, amazingly enough, and you sound like this is the girl you want to do things with....so again i would say go for it, let yourself be free and enjoy, holding yourself back could end up hurting u just as much as a heartache, and wouldnt letting yourself love end up giving you a fuller life?
Ok my Novel of a post is done lol
hope it helped a lil

[Ka****]

haha thanks heather and you too! hopefully when kat comes back this will all help her. :]

[Ka****]

and also congrats on you an your girl, i hope that all goes well.

[He****]

aww thanks...yeah its really amazing, ive never been happier over two years and going this strong...its really something

[Ka****]

Yeah congrats on your girl, Heather. That is awesome!!!! Thanks for all the advise girlies, makes me feel better about it. I guess I'm just going to have to see how things go. And yes, my husband is perfectly fine with it, lol, he has even given her pointers on how to please me. *blushing* It is just a difficult situation. Thanks again, girlies. I will let ya'll know how things play out. Kisses!!!

[Ka****]

So it now appears that she has choosen someone else. My heart is broken, so sad! Why is it always so difficult?

[Ni****]

Darling, I'm so sorry for you. I was gonna say: everyone here is so positive, but I have my second thoughts on her... I don't quite get why you would post something like that, somewhere where you can read it too (she sent it to you?) and go about having someone for life.. My *** and I always say: if someone knows (eighter you or her) from the start it won't last, don't start it. Flirting and dating is obviously somethin' different. But falling inlove with someone that wants you for the winter? I wouldn't go for that.
Don't worry hun, us girls don't only fall in love quickly, we also fall in love all the time! You'll most definately find someone else to love and have your husband already also...so it not that bad. i think, if it would have taken all winter, you would really have been torn apart about it.
Not that you're happy now of course...but time heals.

Good luck girl, chin up!

[Ka****]

I AM SO SORRY!!! i was hoping she would just make you happy. after everything i can't see how she could do that to you, but obviously you'll find someone better. stay positive babes and if you ever have to vent, feel free.. 'm a great listener and such. i truly hope that your feeling better.

[Ka****]

Thanks girlies!!!

[Ka****]

your welcomeee!!! hugs and kisses to you too!!