Identity - Love and Romance

[Ma****]

I have a huge problem with my identity(all my life I used to be in a heteresosexual relationships but 1 year ago I realized that I didnt want any sexual relationship with a guys but I was still attracted to them but in a different - romantic way now I dont like kissing touching my body but I really like cuddling hugging sending time together - and probably it would be easy to find some male ace(asexual guy) BUT since I was 15 or maybe even earlier I was attracted to a girls and now I guess I was inlove with some of them but in my past I didnt think about any relationships with them becase they always made me frightened- it was sometning from my subconsciousness - my mother used to depress me when I was young(by the way I was not good daughther for her at all but its another story) she was hard and masterful and I think I cannt overcome this feeling still- my depression and *** of her - and I used to flirt with girls meet with them but I always felt uncomfortable and shy my family was not too homofobic but we had no talk about sex AT ALL - it was forbidden subject for all of us and I never thought that probably I was not so stright like I used to think - I just did something what was right for society - meeting with boyfriend having sex planning future with children house and all this bullshit which girls ' have to do' in majoritys opinion and I didnt really think why actually I attracted to girls sometimes - it was just out of my life but now I live in uk separetelu from my parents and past life and have plenty of time to think about everything I understood that im not stright at all I have some ideal about girls in my mind and when I meet someone who looks simillar to 'my type' I want to come to her but how I said before Im really afraid of girls and the second problem is that my english is still not perfect - in my opinion Im very intelligent and well educated person and I dont like to talk about simple subject like weather etc and OF COURSE I dont want to check my sexuality on the real person with real feelings because probably Im not ace for males but brobably Im panromantic(person who can have feelings for both of genders) and Im afraid that if oneday I fall inlove with some really nice girl and she will share this feeling with me - I can hurt her if I realize that Im complitely ace and cant give her just my feelings my warmth my care my admiration delight etc without sexual relationship so I dont know what to do(((((((((((((((((( P.S. I cant check my sexuality on a random person after meeting in a nightclub because I need feelings to her before having sex

[KA****]

i understand
totally
kis4u
karen

[Ke****]

Try your feelings without the act of sex? Do you find them attractive, or are they just nice to talk to and hug? It's really confusing.. i was dating a guy but didn't really have any of those feeling for him, but still liked talking to him. So you should figure out feelings before a relationship. Most people probably aren't sure of their feelings for people they're already dating. Don't be too hard on yourself for not knowing.

[Ma****]

Im attracted to a girls but its so unfair to use them for check myself(

[Ro****]

I know. Sometimes it is hard to describe your feelings or examines what they are. They seem to be a elusive and you feel bad because at time you feel like you are leading them on. Anyone know what I mean?

[Ma****]

I know just one thing that I need someone who will understand me like you)
I just want to be honest and open about my feelings but Im pretty sure that a lot of people knows just a tiny part about themselves so maybe its not a very big sin to find someone for my soul but dont aware her about my complicated identity because most of us is very complicated in our feelings
maybe I just need to give a chance for myself and dont be so afraid of hurting someone because our life hurts and no one can escape of bad experiences
probably I can make someone happy and shouldnt hide my feelings just because of my ***s?

[KA****]

hun i understand also what youb are going thru
i have been with many men but i enjoy their company etc but sexually there is no doubt in my mind that i enjoy woman much much more then men sexually
i always throb in my ''veggie'' when i see a hot btch butthat does not i repeat not happen with a man
not at all
so thats why we areall here to compare wquestion and let out various ***s and questions that we may not feel comfortable discussing with the ''other'' groups as i call them
xo glad ican help in any way
kis4u
karen

[Ma****]

how do you think should I talk about my comlicated identity with a girls after any relationships? I think its fair but Im affraid it can repulse them(