need advice - Love and Romance

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

ok so i dont know if it's me or not. But, it seems that no matter what i do, i cant hold onto a relationship. I know i work alot, my job requires me to stay 3 days out of the week to stay at a fire station. Other then that i'm always spending time with my girl if i have one. Yeah i like sex alot but, i know how to treat a girl and respect her and her decisions. i'm just confused as to why love avoids me

[Pa****]

Hey li sis first I must ask how much time do you spend in between relationships when you break up.it this time that allows you to get to know yourself thus comes growth in many different ways one is you know and understand what it is that you require but this only comes from getting to know you the honest u but you have already taken first step by asking could it be you. Keep the faith cause lasting love does come .

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

i havent been in a relationship in about 2 months, yeah i spend a lot of time with the girls i like and i usually focus on one at a time, I spend as much time as i can to get to know her to see if things will work out and to see if shes interested in me too. but, once we start dating things fall apart.

[Da****]

It happens to me too girl but I think its the type of girl I'm attracted to like they just require all of the attention and gwet insecure when I'm not with them but when I'm with other girls who are like confident and busy like me the relationship works a lot better to a extent

[Pa****]

Just me but I made my own rule when comes to women because most are not themselves till bout 3 mos so I try work out till 6 mos to see who I'm really dating in it has worked much better cause now I really see that around this time the guards are down in the real them show up lol but really it will come just know its their lost .

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

yeah i agree with you dani. pamela i agree with you too. i do take the time to get to know these girls usually a few months, i do have issues talking bout my emotions though, didn't have the best childhood and i like to be a bit emotionally reserved. Iike i have no issue talking about love and showing affection or anything. It's just the sad stuff i try to avoid. Is it because i try not to let all of my walls down?

[Pa****]

I undstand baby girl but letting those walls down allows someone access to you and that the only way someone can truly love you cause think about it what can you feel if there is a wall between you and what it is you want. You sound like a good hearted person and let's just face it love it not always easy but neither is hiding and blocking....always smiling

[Jeanie_Baker]

I think you know yourself pretty good. Being a firefighter you have to face a lot of ***s. Do you fight fires? or are you an emt? What ever the case maybe you care about others this is apparent.
Ask yourself or write about each relationship and what happened in each.
Sometimes it is the other party getting bored with you. You are young but maybe mature beyond your years to be dedicated person and those you have come in contact with in a relationship are not really ready themselves.
I am a person who likes to be independent but also take time for someone special in my life.

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

yeah i'm trying to work on that too pamela in my last relationship my girlfriend asked me why i never talk about my parents and about when i was younger. I told that its just something that i dont like to bring up. I told her it's just uncomfortable to talk about, she said she understood and that we'd work on it together. But then we broke up. jeanie, I do fight fires but most firefighters have to take an emt course, 80% of all paramedics are firefighters mainly because we are the first ressponders. I do care about people, its a passion. I want to be able to be someones "hero" when they need one. and to be able to take care of mt girl and support her when i have one. but they just seem to go away.

[Deleted Member]

I'm going to be honest with you, I have been in one of those girls places. I have issues trusting people because of my past relationships. I have been cheated on, used anything you can think of and it hurts. I dont think its you. It could be because they have issues of their own that they could just not be telling you. they could be scared of falling in love because theyve been hurt so much. i understand how you feel and i know that it sucks. But you also need to look at the other side. i believe that none of it is your fault. dont worry hun, it will get better.

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

thanks that was encouraging

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

also im not the kind of girl to hurt someone i love, i'm always the one who gets "dumped" because i couldn't bare the thought of upsetting them.

[Pr****]

do you try to discuss problems or situations that upset you or just deal w it by stuffing them down?

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

if its a problem with my relationships i try to discuss it but, my personal issues i stuff down.

[Jeanie_Baker]

yea I know what you mean Kendall. You sound like me alot. When things bother me I have learned not to voice them right away as I can be pretty blunt. But as I have grown older I do voice myself and my kids who are grown do not know how to take it sometimes so I just have to learn to keep my mouth shut like I use to. it is just later sometimes I blow up cause I get fed up. But now lately I just mind my own business and if they hurt me I just don't talk to them for awhile till they are in a better frame of mind but if the same thing happens I do finally say something. My kids accepted me when I came out. I have a brother and a *** who are gay too so I am sure its is genetic because I have never truly been happy with a man. You sound like a giver and not a taker. I am a caregiver in home healthcare. Hospice, special needs, or just spending time with the elderly. It is great the work your doing. No easy task for a woman. Every time you go out to help someone Kendall you are a hero. My brother told me that even though I get paid for it because I also care. He does not understand how I enjoy it so much but when you make someone else's life easier for what you do for them which makes it rewarding.

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

yeah you see i'm not he kind of person to blow up on someone. I try to avoid conflict as much as possible, if someone yells at me i just take it say ok i'll fix the issue. i dont really blow up. maybe my problem with relationships is the maturity diffrence, i'm not sure though but whatever it is i'm not able to see it.

[Pr****]

maybe ur attracted to the crazies?

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

that might be it, i do end up going for the "damsels in distress" so i can swoop them off there feet and fix everything.

[Jeanie_Baker]

yea, I am a fixer too but when people ask for help and then don't do anything to help themselves that is when my patience runs low and my temper flares. Now a days I don't get too involved with peoples problems. Being a co-dependent ended with caring for my alcoholic *** for 5 years. I tried everything and even kicked her out about 14 times but the guilt kept bringing her back until I lost my job because of her problems and I suffered for 2 years without employment and that's when I showed her the door when I lost my job and unfortunately I did it to myself by allowing her to take advantage of me .It was one of the biggest lessons I learned. So if people need my help, I help, then move on and not bring them in too close.
People like us need people who have a life and want to improve themselves and are happy people. So I am still looking!!