Why oh why?? - Love and Romance

[Deleted Member]

Why do we and i am presuming i am not the only one who still has an ex on say their facebook page that they really should delete but don't. Why do i want to see her face everytime i log on. We don't ever contact each other ever. She even has had a new girl for couple months now ouch and it was so soon... would ignorance not be bliss in this case?? Something just stops me from hitting the delete button although i get no pleasure from the experience and would move on faster i presume not seeing her and her new girls faces smiling out at me top of my friends list every time i log on....whats the pay off Dr Phil??

[Penny_Proctor]

mmm no what you mean, old habits die hard. I think we naturally hold on to any connection or thing that represent any sort comfort or familarity to what we once had. We dont do well with letting go of what hurts us, we can be gluttens for punishment lol.
I am still in contact with my ex and when its just a phone call im ok with it but when i see her I know its not good for me. I dont really want to see her yet in thought i think i want to see her. Go figure.
I feel for you Justine I would not want to see her with the new gf, just might be time to hit the delete button.
Good luck with that.

[Ha****]

I had this problem when my ex broke up with me, it totally distroyed me but the best thing I did was deleting her off of Facebook, deleting her number and getting rid of her clothes and stuff she left at my house. It was so hard but it was needed. And it speeds up the process of moving on. Good luck with what you decide.

[sa****]

i say let it stay take it as what i call a challenge, face that picture and know that u will not allow her that much power over what u feel. It's easier said than done but again it's a challenge However that's only something u must want. if it's ***ful and a bit much for u then i say delete other wise stand strong

[Zo****]

i was in the exact same boat.we had only broken up after a month and already she was in a new relationship like she was rubbing it in my face. i couldnt delete her off facebook for ages and it filled me with dread everytime i logged on and seen her with her new gf. so i finally delteted her and it was the bst thing i could have done

[Nicki_Jones]

Hi Justine, in my opinion there is no pay off, only further heartache, I split up with my ex two months ago and it still hurts like hell but as soon as she changed her relationship status to single instead if being in a relationship with me, I deleted her straight away, didn't want to see the comments or anything, I was so angry and I'm glad I did coz I would be looking on her wall and torturing myself still every day, it's hard enough to move on as it is, I know I want to move on, and what she does now, well I don't want to know, good luck hun xxx

[Nicki_Jones]

I reckon we need a group for all the poor broken hearted ladies who feel lost right now, wouldn't it be great to meet up if we didn't live too far from each other??? Xx

[Nicki_Jones]

I feel so lost at the mo without my ex, she was my world :-(

[Zo****]

shes my ex for a reason were not going to get back together anytime soon and i could do without all her dramas when turning on facebook and seeing her happy with some other girl.i agree with nicki i dont care what she does now so im glad i delted her as hard as it was

[Penny_Proctor]

its hard to move on, our emotions dictate what we thinks defines us. when we give all that we are into someone there's never a though that will take it and run.
reflect on what you still have and what we have learnt from it, its the only way i have been able to move forward. take the positive and believe you are not defined by another person, that you dont need or have to be effected by them anymore.The *** slowly subsides and when it does you will discover the new you. stronger and wiser and you learn to keep a little peice of your heart for yourself next time, just enough to help you heal if it happens again.
Heartache sux and i'd rather be hit bt a truck than let them control me now they are gone.

[Nicki_Jones]

Yay, go Zoey!!!!!! It is hard there is no doubt about it but my ex crapped all over me (excuse the term) but she did so ther was nothing I could do to change it, my only option is to move on, still finding it difficult, especially being so close Xmas but the quicker we move on and stop wasting anymore of our life, the better, life is far too short, I have wasted enough time with the wrong people xx

[Nicki_Jones]

Well said Penny, I would rather be hit by a truck too, no physical *** could be as bad as the emotional ***, my emotions have only too many times dictated what I thought defined me, I sometimes think what's wrong with me, I'm obviously not good enough and I'm nothing without her but then I get real again and think to myself actually they are the one with the problem, I did nothing wrong and it's her loss, maybe one day she will realise she had someone genuin who really cared and would have never let her down and that's not easy to find xx

[Sandy_Faiad]

delete that woman from your life that is the only way you can forget her. that is what i call chinese ***. i guees that happen to all of us. i'm a woman but i know we are complicated! you must keep on trucking honey!

[Deleted Member]

Deleted as of 5 mins ago thanks guys Now i just need to delete the one person on my friends list that still allows me to see everything on exs page never spoken to said friend but dont want to delete cause she a link one thing at a time i think... at least i now dont see her smiling face as she cuddles her new girl everytime i log on i have to seek her out

[Nicki_Jones]

Well done Justine, it might have hurt doing that but you will feel better for it very soon if you haven't already xx

[Sandy_Faiad]

bravo justine! now delete that so call friend of yours from your life too!
your so call friend new everything about your situation and keep you link to you ex. she is not your friend believe me!

[Sandy_Faiad]

to me what is in my past is my past, i never talk to my new girl about my ex
or to any of them! and i don't let anybody talk to me about my ex. that is a no no

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

hey justine just wanted to put some input in. I think this will be benneficial to everyone though. in most relationships now days, it's usaully one person putting in their all and the other person is just waiting for the next best thing to come along. you didn't want to delete your ex because, at the time you were dating them; wether it was during an emotionaly chalenging part of your life or not, something about that relationship made you feel extra secure about yourself. you found comfort, security, and happieness in seeing them. but, when you broke up, all that trust, comfort, and security went down the drain. this is why it hurts to see them in general but the part that kept you from hitting delete, is the part that still doesn't forget that comforting feeling they brought to you. the part that still wants to be there for them and the part that completly wants to forget them are not agreeing with eachother which is probably why you felt emotional confusion of how you felt about them in the end.

[Nicki_Jones]

Wow, you have hit the nail right on the head, thanks for your imput, you sound like the counsellor I used to have, who is now my very good friend and she has pretty much said the same thing to me!!!!! I don't know about anyone else but I do feel insecure now without her, it's usually goes back to when you were younger, well atleast it does for me, but as I keep getting told, you have to love yourself before anyone else can and no one else can make you ok, only you can, although I still don't know how x

[Penny_Proctor]

GREAT JOB JUSTINE YAY HEAR THE CROUD ROAR!!
We celabrate the achievment with you because that moment was your moment, that was your defining moment, it was not for anyone else but for you.
Well done!

[Penny_Proctor]

@ Kendall,
Yep thats it in a nutshell.

[Penny_Proctor]

@Nicki,
Your right you do have to love yourself, if you dont then not only can nobody else but you'll never be at peace why they will.
Every thought and every feeling has as much power as you give it,
if you dont think much of yourself, how can you feel it when someone else does.
@ all the ladies I must say what a liberating and healing conversation this is.
Thanks Justine and thanks to all.

[Nicki_Jones]

It's nice to know there are some decent and genuine people still out there who understand what its like to feel like this!!!! I only wish I was chatting to you all in person and I could give u all a hug :-) I'm searching for the nearest place to me where I can meet up with other gay girls and make some new and better friend's!!!! The nearest place to me like that is in Southend so that's where I will go xx

[Sandy_Faiad]

i only say like the italians say keep it in your heads i do but i always get the short end of the stick becuase i'm a woman too!

BELIEVE THIS, IS AN ITALIAN SAY AND I THINK IS THE TRUTH

(LA DONNA E MOBILE!) LOOK IN AN ITALIAN DICCIONARY

[Kendall_Jacobsen]

@nicki- it does go back to when we're younger, atleast for the most part. when we're younger, there is more things to feel insecure about. so, when we find this person that makes all of those insecurities go away, we feel like they are the best people in the world and they give us the most happiness. but again, like i said before, when you and that person break up, all of those insecurities come back and what helps you get through them is seeing their face. so, no matter how much you want to forget them and move on, your mental "saftey net" keeps you from letting go of something you use to deal with the hard times you face.