When do you know its done? - Love and Romance

[Dy****]

Long story short I am in a relationship that is going down it seems like. I dont want it to but it seems she take out her emotions to hard on the kids. I dont so much mind me but the kids are too much. So she came to the conclusion that since she doesnt make me happy she's leaving....then says she doesnt want to and the balls in my court. she has done this four times and speaks about the on again off again relationships as a waist of time yet it seems like ever 3 months she breaks up with me and takes it back.

I feel as if I dont jump threw these hoops and make her happy shes leaving and keep in mind I moved from MI to tx for a future with her. I could of moved to other states with family but instead I moved to tx were I have nothing but her and she threatens to leave me every 3 months once I start getting tired of acting HAPPY. I'm jst not a HAPPY person. I'm a realist.

Now heres ther question. Last time she tried to break up with me I told her dont do it again or I will hold her to her words. Well, she did it again. She looked at me and said at the end of the month shes leaving b/c she cant make me happy... then she says she doesnt want to leave so the balls in my court.

I say no it isnt you know what I said last time if you break up it final. so she has till the end of the month (thats the original timeline she gave me.) Am I wrong to hold her to it?

I feel like this is even worst then the on again off agian. Atleast those relationships get time to breath. Everything seems so drimatic latley. She's going threw my emails (which I caught but when I asked her has she ever invaded my privacy she said no) and ever since she broke up and I told her she has another shot if she doesnt change by the end of the month I will hold it to her words and its even worst.

Now she always seems sad like shes savioring every moment till she never sees me and the kids again. Its like shes getting ready to leave instead of fighting to keep us... I geuss its only right that I start to let go too. She beganning to call me by my name again rather then Babe like usual. We were in walmarty and she reached out to me and called out Ba........ looked down sad and said Dyann then asked her question and she keeps doing it.

Is it jst me or is that like dropping your sword in battle? Why should I fight beside her when shes giving up? I've tried but now I jst feel like she bound to leave me as soon as things get to hard so I keep my issues to myself but then she says I dont talk to her then she breaks up and takes it back I cant keep dealing with the yo yo

need advise please

[Je****]

No matter how much you love someone....ultimately u cannot make someone happy with you. They have to feel that for themselves. Sad sistuation you are in.
But always remember no one can make you happy but yourself..If it is or was meant to be, there would be no problems. Life is short. Enjoy what you can while you can. There is somone out there you don't have to make happy that will just love you for you!!!!! Sometimes there is just too much water under the Bridge. Just sayn'

Peace

[Betsy_Lipe]

I agree with that... You can't make someone happy. If she is doing this cycle like that all the time then maybe it isn't worth saving . Been there done that for far too damn long. ON and OFF again back and forth. it gets tiring to say the least. Is she freaking bipolar or something. Sounds like she has trust issues too. Not good.

[Teri_Baker]

Sounds like she wants you to call the shots to end the relationship and she doesn't have the guts to just leave. She is not still in love and it doesn't sound like you are either. It sounds like you are both playing a waiting game. You have both thrown in the towel. She is showing she has let go and doesn't even trust you by opening your mail now. It has gone too far. It is time for both of you to just leave each other before you hate each other. Try to leave with a friendship if possible and move on. Hugs, Teri

[sa****]

reading your words sounds like she's playing games however, u did say to her that if she said it again that's it, so mayb now she's doing as u said but she shouldn't know the *** u feel not hide but around her u must be strong or just as strong. the kids should b ur focus trust they r a big wonderful and blessful distraction i'm no parent but i'm a pre-k teacher and our future needs us and if we cant guide them towards the right thang where will they learn and will they be taught right so put ur focus on them it's easier said than done but do for the children and if she does leave it's scarey at first but u can do it, r mayb u to should say her name, and it's nothing wrong with trying to date her over again like a dinner r just a glass of her favorite drink unless u feel its to far gone, playing the devil advocate as we all needs it sometimes now r u should u tried fighting for the two of u r u afraid and feeling that u should give up becaz u feel dats what she wants ? u need to ask yourslf. i hope it work out for whatever may be the best sta strong

[Teri_Baker]

I agree she needs to be strong for the children, but don't put on an act and try to keep the family together because of children when you are truly unhappy and there is going to be ugly confrontations and bitterness for the children to be subjected to on a daily basis. This is not a good environment for the children to live in. If it is a hostile environment, the children suffer. I was better off raising my child without the abusive father around either. That is important when finding a partner when you are a lesbian with children is to have a great partner who is not in to drama and this woman is definitely doing this and she is also insecure..Sorry DyAnn., but thats the way I see her acting. Hugs to you.

[Er****]

I agree. Whatever her reasons for running through this cycle of breaking up and getting back together, it is not something you or your children should have to deal with. She should be mature enough to express what she wants/needs in your relationship and also mature enough to leave if that is really what she wants.

The one thing I would note, though is this: If you really are sad, unhappy, depressed and that is affecting your relationship....get help. I understand that you feel it is just who you are, and that may be the case, but if this sadness is really what's causing the problems between you and your gf and you really want a chance to make something work....you're going to need to put in a little effort, too. It's really hard work to be happy when you are a naturally sad or depressed person, but it is equally hard work to love someone with depression who will not get help.

[Betsy_Lipe]

well stress can cause relationship problems anyway and heart problems and a whole lot of other issues. I know it is hard to let someone go that you been with for a while but it isn't worth the stress on you or the kids. Kids come first in anything. If it's hopeless then let her walk. She is just waiting for you to say the word and then she can say you did it. Someone to blame. it is ridiculous that things get that way. Either get help for both or let it go.. It won't get better.

[Dy****]

I really do understand that my emotions tie a lot into this relationship. And I do work on it. But at the beginning I would tell her what it was and she would be like ok i cant make you happy i'm leaving so then I would suck it up ask her to say and we will be good until I told her something is wrong and she takes it harder then me so I suck it back up until she says i'm not talking so i would talk and she says she's leaving again. It gets annoying because I finally got sick of not sucking it up and told her I'm not a Happy person and that I suck up my emotions not to bother her and then she says our relationship is a lie.

Now I held her to her words and she moping around like her days are numbered wo is me. I feel like she admitting defeat I think its time for me to put on my big girl pants and get the ball rolling.

[Teri_Baker]

Its been some time and you need some therapy to help you make a move and to help you and your children through this. This can't keep going on for you it will sounds like depression setting in with this woman and I would rather you seek some help as in therapy to move it along to end this relationship. You need some help. You seem to be stuck and I worry about you with the children.This is not a healthy way to live. Once you can move on and get past this stage, things will get better. Believe me, if you have one foot stuck in the mud, you don't put the other foot in the mud, you move on from the mud.