What to do about my sexless relationship with my older bf

[DavidCoppAFeel]

I'm a 22 yr old gay guy and my boyfriend is 64. And before anyone ask no it's not a sugar daddy situation or anything like that. We've been together for 2 and a half years. I live with him and most things in our relationship is great. But he won't touch me. At first i thought maybe he's just not horny but he'll watch hours of porn and j/o by himself. When I'd ask to do "it" he always has an excuse. We've stopped having three ways because most times It would end in a fight after the person left. I've tried everything I could think of from dropping hints to straight out asking him if we could fuck it at least j/o with eachother it'd always be he's not in the mood or something. I've even sat with him and picked out toys so if he can't get it up we could use those instead. We've never used them together just us two. The first day I had got them we had this guy over and he used them on him first. I bought them but didn't get to use them first?. Anyway everytime i try to bring up the lack of sex he gets defensive and tries to blame it all on me this and that. I want to talk to him about sexually opening up our relationship but idk how to do that. We care for eachother alot ik we do. But i just don't know what to do. I'm afraid if i try to bring it up he'll get pissed and break up with me and kick me back out on the street even though he said he wouldn't ever do that even if we were broken up. Idk what to do any advice would be welcome.

[Da****]

Wow it’s such a hard situation

[Jo****]

The first thing that struck me about your post is that a conversation definitely needs to be had between the two of you.  Don't be scared of him being angry/upset with you as you genuinely want to know why your partner isn't showing any sexual interest in you.  Also talk to him about how you want to open up your sexual relationship and take into account how he feels about this.

The fact that he masturbates to porn says to me that he doesn't have a problem with getting an erection.  Does he love you? as the amount of time he is spending on porn to me shows that physical intimacy with someone he loves is a real problem.  He could have a porn addiction that needs conquering.  It would be interesting to know if he only gets an erection to porn as there could be some kind of mental issue going on there or maybe some other health issue.  If this is the case, encourage him to speak to his doctor.  Have you considered couples' therapy with an agency such as Relate?  If he's unwilling to attend with you, you can always go by yourself.  Sex therapy might also be an option.

I hope my somewhat long and rambling answer helps.

[RovingMale]

Been with my partner for 28yrs. but he has not fucked or even let me play with his cock in like 15yrs but we have discussed and are in an open relationship. he prefers young guys and once i turned 35 i was too old for him. Talk to your lover be frank and open never cheat on him. if you have sex with a guy let him know the details ask he do the same.

 

[Bob_Margerison]

Being older myself, maybe he ***s he can't live up to your expectaions, that he will be unable to please you like you please him.

[chkchkchk]

First of all, thank you for sharing your story. What a difficult situation! I think it's important to separate love and sex. It sounds to me that you're having a beautiful relationship and both care very much for each other. In my experience the "sex topic" doesn't usually have to do with "love" but it has a lot to do with how someone feels about themselves and in the end it's all about communication. Maybe you could ask your partner how he sees the situation and ask him what he would want. That way he maybe wouldn't get that defensive. 

In the end you also have to ask yourself the question what you're looking for in a relationship. Sex is definitely an important factor and you are allowed to want to have intimacy with your partner. If you want to continue the relationship but have sex with other people let your partner know. It's only fair to be open about this. Then he can tell you how he sees this and you can decide where to take it from there. 

All the best!

[chkchkchk]

On 2/27/2022 at 7:20 AM, Bob_Margerison said:

Being older myself, maybe he ***s he can't live up to your expectaions, that he will be unable to please you like you please him.

Open communication is the key ✨