need advice - Love and Romance

[Kristina_Wheelis]

my name is Kristina. My family isnt accepting at all. they have no idea that i am a lesbian...i have to go on these annoying dates because they *** them on me. They have verbaly said if they find out i am a lesbian than they will disown me. i dont know what to do and am in need for some advice. so if you will give me some that would me nice

[Deleted Member]

Gosh, your parents have really put you in a tough position. D: I don't really know what to say save that you need to get out of that house and away from their control. How do they *** you to go on dates; do they set you up with people?

[La****]

This part is never easy. Although going on these dates makes them feel better because therefore your sexuality is not in the air its doing everyone a diservice. My mom did pretty much the same, threw testosterone my way when she could. Our relationship turned rocky and though it does hurt you'll be the most unhappy person you'll know. Your parents will love you no matter what. They may not agree but they will always love you, never stop. I have a few possible temporary solution. 1) Go out and live the life, date who you want (just don't tell the parents or pawn them off as friends if you bring them to the house). 2) Come out per parent, meaning try the most liberal of the two in confidence. 3)Come out to both, let them know that this is who you are and that 20 years from now it will still be the same and they can't disown you forever (hopefully your an only child). I've tried these methods out not in order tho.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Remember, that at the end of our lifetimes when our parents are long gone, you have to live the actions you've taken and the ones you haven't because those in themselves are actions as well.

[Kristina_Wheelis]

Thanks Sollie. i will try that. but i mean last time my mom even suspected she got violent and threw trash bags at me and told me i was leaving. she never hit. lets get that straight. i love my mom to death...she is my mom and mt dad and has sacraficed so much for me and my brohters. i just cant be who they want me to be. which is some gorgous girl who will get married to a man and have many kids...thats not going to happen. i just dont want to loose my family. family means the world to me.

[La****]

Glad to be of service.
I know what you mean.
Family is a big important part of my life.
I've just found that you can't please everyone.
I got wrapped up fulfilling everyone else's expectations of me that when I finally got around to looking in the mirror, I could not recognize the person staring back.
Its hard because you feel ostracized, like its your burden and should be only yours.
Its like coloring, if you stay within the lines its ok, but if you smudge outside of the lines then all hell breaks loose because by stepping out of those lines you just passed the burden onto them.
As you get older, it gets easier that I can tell you.

[Ne****]

Well, I guess not every parents are the same. I heard USA is more conservative around the family, I guess it seems true. Here in Québec province, it's seems quite more open to gays actually. I said it to my brother first, he wasn't really surprised anyway. Then my bro told it to my father, but I don't see him often at all. My mom was the last one of the three to know about it. Since I live with her and she's annoying all the time. But all of them took it quite openly, only my mom tend to judge a lil bit my choices, but it's not her life anyway. Be yourself, even if they say they wanna disown you if you were gay, maybe they are just afraid of their girl being a lesbian. I don't think it's fair from parents to be like that at all, but they'll have to face reality some day.

[Kristin_Turner]

I can't imagine having to go through that. i'm not sure what i would have done. if you scroll back a bit you'll find what my experience was. the thing i can't see running and hiding all the time. 1. it'll make you crazy 2. they'll find out anyway. they always do. so what are going to do? suddenly become not gay? i think you need to live your life and let the chips fall where they may. but that's easy for me to say; i'm not in your position.

[Kristina_Wheelis]

I am trying my best to live my life. I just havent got caught yet. my mom is actually allowing me to move back in with her in two weeks. mainly because she thinks i am "better". i dont understand it. how can a mother say she would take a bullet for their child but then when they find out that their child isnt what they wanted they jump five feet back??? its frustrating....ugh...

and thanks for the advice everyone...i really appreciate it.

[Robin_Porterfield]

sweet Kristina, I am so sorry that your mom is hurting you. I came out in high school and that was back in 87' From that point on my mom has broken my heart over and over. She even looked at me and told me she wished I had never been born. I was crushed. But even though we both have said hateful things to one another, i love her. And somehow we have reached a point where we can be civil to each other. But that took me going out into this world and make it without there help. She can still break my heart but I guess I accepted who I am. and I have to respect that she is who she is. Good luck hon.