Maybe 1 day u will know how hard it is 4 me to show my heart <3 - Love and Romance

[Crystal_Simms]

well ok the title says it all let me start off by telling you the postion i am in
Everyone on this site knows i'm dating Lea now what u dont know is that my recent ex Kiauna, My Pratice girl Sarah, and a girl from one of my college classes Maria are all trying to get me to be theres now i like lea A LOT but i am sooo freaking confused!! and its pissing me off. i'll start with Kiauna

Kiauna i dated for 2yrs and some months i broke up with her awhile back but she said it never happen because shes freaking crazy i stop talking to her and lost contact with her for awhile since i was going through some personal and family problems we didnt talk in 4 months i left her a voicemail message on her phone telling her i wanted to break up with her and explain why i even wrote her a letter and i dont mean the email shit a real letter but she tells me she didnt get either of them which i kinda doubt but i kinda believe her so we start talking and she start saying that i was treating her like a friend and not like a GF and i told her and the way she reacted was like ohh hell no i didnt waste 2yrs of my life. one this girl actually asked me to marry her 1yr in the relationship and i told her from the beginning like i tell every girl i mess with one i'll end up breaking ur heart one way or another because i been called coldhearted all my life even by my own *** and family memebers two i DO NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED but she had this hold on me that was starting to make me turn into a person i didnt like or want i did anything to please this girl and that means changing my whole way the way i act mainly and i didnt get why she wanted to change me so damn much and NOT ONCE did i ask her to change her self because i loved her the way she was always will but it just hurted that she wanted me to do that and i got stuck just trying to please her now this girl has very LOW self esteem and thats the reason y i always try my best to please her because i knew how she would act like if i didnt stop playing with my friends in a sexual way like humping or gropeing things like that she would say oh is it because i'm ugly u dont love me u hate me u just want to fuck other people u want an open relationship is that what u want ur a whore skank blah blah blah she would turn a little thing into a BIG thing MAJOR DRAMA QUEEN now all the name calling didnt bother me has no affect on me but when she would tell me she HATED me that would hit sooo fucking hard i mean hate is such a strong word and i told her how i felt about that word i never said i hated anyone in my life and throwing that word at me all the fucking time when she didnt get her way that word to me is sooo sooo man i cant describe that word and the background of that word when i was growing up and i told her this but yet she ignore it her low self esteem for me i think hurt our relationship because it was always about her her her and her feelings her way or the high way i would tell her certain things but she would just brush it off and act like it didnt matter she said she was listening but i dont think she HEARD me i even lied to her and told her i had a short term memory to see if she would take advantage of me which she did and in the most henious way as well now she is Bisexual not that matters at all but she would constanly talk about guys and wanting to have sex with them and shit like i want to hear that? and she would say this guy is cute blah blah blah but as soon as i wanted to say a girl was cute she went into a jealous crazy spring and not once did i do that to her wherther she was talking about a girl or a boy didnt matter because i dont get jealous well so far i havent with anyone i told her i was cold hearted and she soon figure that out but she did say the cuteset thing that she would melt my heart and make it hers that she would try forever just to show me how much she loved me but i wonder how could u love me if u say u hate me ? and how could we ever keep the relationship going if all we did was agrue and fight fight and agrue it was funny at first and cute when i saw her get mad at me lol still is turn me on and we always have make up sex she lived in cali and me in Maryland but we would always try to see each other during the summer or spring break and shes about to get out of college soon one more year lol she is sooo sexy and beatuiful but she doesnt see it and i tell her everyday but she doesnt believe me even when i told her i love her she didnt believe me most of the time she was the first girl i said i love and that was a MAJOR step for me and she knows it and for her to doubt that hurt even more she knew it was hard for me to trust anyone because i TRUST NO ONE and when i mean no one i mean no one i told her it would take time and she always wanted more and more i told her i trust her to and extent but not as much as she wanted me to like the basic trust that she wouldnt cheat blah blah so anyway she been pressuring me to get back with her she even said she wait for me to get myself "together" shes really a sweet girl and i dont want to break her heart i never been put in this postion it was always the other girl that broke up with me and i didnt care because hey i got out of a situation that way lol i didnt have to do but now i have4 girls after me knowing i have to break 3 hearts or maybe all its hard u know?

Sarah is the "Pratice" girl well one of them anyway and i met her before i met kiauna we had kinda of a werid relationship i kinda had feelings for her but it was very confusing how we both felt the other two pratice girls we had an understanding but Sarah she was different Sarah knows a lot about me i mean i would go to this girl and we would just talk for hours about anything and everything we joke around a lot but the chermisty we just couldnt deny from each other i mean it was wayy more the sexual until she got a girlfriend and we broke of the sexual thing but we still talked then i met kiauna and we both moved on she lives in the county i love in the city its a 2 or 3 hour drive from her house to mines so we kinda lost contact until recently that is and we met back up because we knew the same girl! which was totally awakard because the girl is one of my friends girl who is a boy the girl is bi and he just wanted me to meet her which i did we hanged out downtown or w/e start to get to talking we found out we fucked the same girl! like woow lol we had an awakard moment lol anywho little weeks later i met sarah she came to my house and started making out with me and starts telling me all this stuff i mean it got heated and hot lol after awhile i had to stop because hello with lea? and it got soo werid afterwards but then we start to talking now she wants me! i was like wth is with all these women

Maria is a girl from my college class i met her when some guys was picking on her and i step in and told the guys off which ended up in a fight later which i kick their asses! lol they got a couple of punches in like in my stomach wise man was i brusied but i gave both of them some black eyes yeah bitches boom! lol anywho after i protected her and show my machoness lol she fell for me slowly but surely and it was kinda werid still is because i see her as a little *** u know? she a fiesty little girl LOL but she is cute in her own way but kinda seems like a drama queen as well and she smokes so turn off lol but man can she give a hickey! lol she pulled me into the bathroom at school and she wanted me something bad i thought she was gonna *** me lol anywho she came over like a month ago before classes ended at my house i swear to u not she came with an intention she was gonna help and bring me the work i missed but she kept touching me in a sexual way then got in my lap start kissing me everywhere and when i told her to stop she wouldnt then i felt something poking me and she had a strap on on her she try to pull my pants down so i had to slam her against the wall to get her to stop she started crying pouring her heart out to me and i felt sooo bad that is one of my weakness btw a crying girl omg man i would do anything to get a girl from stop crying so she just wanted me to kiss her just once i refused but i gave her a kiss on the cheek and on the forehead and told her how i felt and she left shes asking me to get wit her now as well

Now everyone on here knows lea so i'm not gonna get into on that because i plan on telling her stuff later on but i do really like lea and i want to give this relationship a chance u know? i do love her soo thats gonna be on a later note
i just wanted some advice and see if anyone else was in this kinda of situation and if so how did u deal with it?

[Ma****]

this took me 30 mins to go through and digest. i know ur seeking advice but leas on here too and if uve talked to her than thats good but if ur opening up about this without her knowing, thats not something id enjoy coming on to and seeing. just saying.

now about everything uve said. i can tell you that no i havent gone through exactly the situation ur in but i can say this. im in love with hannah whos in my past, i like/care a lot for jess whos a close friend but i also have interest in ppl knowing casey and i havent officially said its over.

i hate when girls cry, and its going to be hard hurting them. if none of them will settle, they will get hurt. kiauna, from what youve said... she doesnt seem to be the girl for u. i mean u have gone through it once and it was a long relationship but it seems like shes just guilting u or dragging you into something ur not fully satisfied with. u said its all about her, this time its about you and its not just about waiting for u to get yourself together, youre waiting for the change in her too. if shes going to continue to tell u she hates u, talk about cute ppl and yell at u than doubts u when u open up ur heart, im going to say pass because u deserve better. hannah i could say shes the first person ive ever poured my heart out for and chased after even with all the crap. shes emotionally unstable, low self esteem but had ambition to do something and i liked her for being independant. i still think of her even tho she chose someone else and completely just cut my existence out of her life. i believe that if uve loved them once, you can love them again...but you just have to open ur eyes to what was wrong the first time round.

sarah wants u all of a sudden and maria is viewed as ur little ***
i dont want to be bias because i know lea but from the choices im given, its hard to say she doesnt have a slight advantage mostly if all these other girls are pressuring u. i dont know how u both stand but shes there and you like her. why not just stick with whats already there and see where it goes. i have troubles opening up mostly when it gets more serious. i dont talk about it, i hate sharing life stories because everyone has one so why dig further. theres so many things that bother me but i dont share anything beyond surface details and having someone lik jess who cares, its nice to know.

if u feel that one of these options is the one u like more than the others, go with it. sometimes in my opinion its ok to think of urself instead of the ppl ull hurt because if u let them have their way, its worse. pick the one that will make u happy, that ur satisfied with, and that doesnt stress u in any way.

note: remember this is my views, but ur really only seeking the answers u already have

[Crystal_Simms]

i feel the same way about the life stories i dont mind and like to listen to others but when it comes to my own ilike to keep that private yeah i know i already have the answer but its like UGGHH wth do i do with it u know? and i let lea know about them already so she knows about them i'm just really confused i know how i feel about Maria and Kiauna but Sarah is a different story she just didnt come out the blue shes been trying to locate me and me her but since we both moved and had phones numbers changes it was kinda hard to stay in touch
and i know its hard for everyone to open up some more than others and i feel that kiauna been guliting me from the begining lol but thanks for ur view on things i just needed some views really u know?
like on the outside looking in kinda of thing

[Ma****]

lol ya i mean ive heard so many and im a great listener but its kinda lik they expect me to tell them mine because they shared thers when really those chapters have ended and ive turned the page. take a breather, take a step away and stop for a moment. the more u think about it, the more u contemplate

[Crystal_Simms]

LOL i think u spell it right but i'm not sure either yeah thats what we was doing before now she wants to make things all complex i'm like y cant we just stay friends? yeah i told her i need time and distance all ready yeah i know we already set a time and day since were both busy

[Ma****]

buaha its 522 in the morning everything is right as long as u tell me it is
i really hope you work it out and if anything ppl are always here for you like moi

tho im def not the wises person and breakfast is lik sounding good to me right now. jess recently told me shes checking into a hospital and even tho i never get the chance to see her, when i think i do its always lik oh ur gone for 2 weeks no visitors...ok ill wait.

you should rest, sleep, eat, and smile. one step at a time...like eggs than bacon than toast than juice than water

[Crystal_Simms]

LOL right or chicken LOL maybe a breakfast burrito and some orange juice yum

[Ma****]

i so could go for some, if u lived here id ask u to go together haha

omnomnom ill prob just sleep today away because i have 16 hrs of school on tmrw

ive had a lot of chicken lately wings with beer yest chicken with wine day before than today nuggets and chicken for dinner. tho i could go for nuggets again...

[Crystal_Simms]

LOL right i had a lot of chicken lately fry chicken bbq chicken baked chicken chicken nuggets lol i was something else mainly pizza lol man i love me some pizza! bleh me to a little bit of sleep then i have to go out

[Ma****]

sweetdreams and i want pizza now

[Crystal_Simms]

lol u too LOL see pizza is freaking awesome! night! enjoy ur lazy day XD

[Ne****]

Id say to pick the one you love the most right now, probably the one ur going out with, and live with the passion of this love until the last drop of with. Even if others want you doesn't mean you want them too. And if you can't just pick one, pick them all and do a harem ? J/K =)

[Crystal_Simms]

lmfao LOL do a harem lol thanks

[Ne****]

Anyhow, it's quite early to start such a conversation, just what did ya eat for breakfast... !? xD

[Crystal_Simms]

LOL pussy lmfao i wish LOL but i should buy a mansion and steal girls or make them fall for me LOL and make them dress up for just surroued by girl hehehe in naughty outfits

[Ne****]

Why can I imagine that soo clearly in my head !? xD

[Crystal_Simms]

because its not meant to be muwhahaha besides its fun to imagine those things .&gt smexy outfits and smexy parties

[Lea_Walby]

i would like to make a note we had talks of all this... so she not keeping shit from me which i enjoy very well. it's kind of funny to me really and it's cute *hugs crystal* she's soooo cute! and you has the same name as my crystal! oooh we should have our own harem hehe two crystals! or chrystelles! oooh i love it!
i honestly don't think i would allow the other 3 in cause they kind of scare me, from what i hear from crystal they weird! pllus i think the dom sb compition would be tough and i think it could be really firece....*blinks* ooh that actully could be fun. crystal can i has their numbers?

[Crystal_Simms]

there is no other crystal? is there? LOL stopie me nu cute -wiggles free- me smexy! there is you, kiauna, sarah, and Maria lol bonehead nu u cant have their numbers and do i want to be teared about by four women lol really? hmm maybe i would lol naw u guys would rip me apart esp kiauna and maria sarah would just sit there and laught at me -.-;; then later when everyone is done she would have her way with me

[Lea_Walby]

*points to chrystelle* same name diff spell like me and leah....hehe

[Crystal_Simms]

ohh didnt notice it LOLur such a bonehead -humps lea-

[Lea_Walby]

...&gt.&gt your the weirdo humping me... and you should always look at who you talking too! geez!

[Crystal_Simms]

i did i just didnt pay it any mind! u little nerd

[Miranda_Jean_Renee_Hall]

lol i love you guys

[Ne****]

Yeah, cuz Chrystelle is a french name actually. But in English, you'd say Crystal =P