I JUST DONT KNOW ANYMORE, I FEEL LIKE I DONT WANT LIFE - Love and Romance

[De****]

Today I felt what it was like to have my airway blocked, to have my body beg for air but my heart and mind not wanting it. I was feeling like there was nothing more ***ful then heartache, but I was wrong. I didnt go throught with it. I just wanted all the *** to go away. A month ago I lived life and now look at me. She was the love of my LIFE, our relationship was my EVERYTHING. Then it all ended. Everyone tells me, dont take her back, dont give in, but I just love her soo much I couldnt help it. They were right because it just ended up being the same thing all over again within that same day. I tell her I cant do it anymore, then she go and be with the other girl, the girl who caused our end. But still my ex txt me, telling me how bad she wants me, how she needs me. And I go to her, I figured if I couldnt have her completely at least I can have her some kind of way(sexually), but then i would get wrapped back into her, but then she would choose her over me again. I told her I decided to move back home, and she said she wanted to move to, that she couldnt see me go, let me go. Then today she tell me that she was unsure now, because she will miss the other girl. The girl who she had just told me was falling for her but she didnt want that. I just felt like EVERY FUCKING THING goes back to that girl. And she always choose her over me. The feeling of being degraded(if thats the word) to always come after the other girl, is sooo UNBEARABLE. Almost 2 years we were together, engaged, own place, 3 tries for a baby, and she choose HER. Its like a knife stabbing me over and over. I exploded today, because my ex let the girl use the vacuum we shared and forgot to bring it back. I exploded because I felt like she take everything I have, everything that belonged to me. Its always HER.

I dont know what to do anymore. Im going back home soon, away from them both with hopes that it will help me. But Im still afraid Im not going to be able to get over it, Im always going to think, she chose her over me. She was the love of my life, and I was her...? I feel like life isnt worth living, I have sooo much stuff build up inside of me that my head is constently throbbing. I feel so worthless, like NOTHING, Ive lost soo much weight from working out and not eating so that I can try to feel just a little bit better about myself. I spend hour in front of the mirror trying to convince myself that I am beautiful, that it wasnt me. I just dont know anymore. I need a friend who understand what Im feeling, instead of the one I have who just calls me stupid for still loving and thinking about her. I want to erase my memory without having to erase my future.

[Deleted Member]

Wow I am so sorry. I bet you r a great person n u deserve better. It's her loss so you must b strong. I am here if u need a friend.

[As****]

I had a similar situation. Loveing someone that is just a jerk to you but you still love them. I will be your friend and i will not tell you that you are stupid. It is not stupid. Unless you have been their they can't talk. Please don't do anything bad cuz i would be sad if you did. I know you don't know me but death is a hard thing to deal with. I have lost many to killing them selfs. If you need someone to talk to hit me up with an email on here or even find me on facebook. I am here for you and please don't do anything bad for you. And you are more beautiful then you will ever know.

[Rebekka_Pryce]

Sorry to say, women like her, are experts at playing the game. They will also drag you in again and again into their game. I've been there, faced this. But please, please, please, give yourself the right to accept self respect from yourself. You DO deserve better, MUCH better. Don't play her (their) game, you will only be eternally hurt. I hurts, as if you are dying, your heart is being torn out, ripped to shreds. Your only defense, weapon, is yourself. Accept that you deserve better, and will accept no less, and that you will never get it from her.

[De****]

Deja,
It's best that you move back home at least you will have the support of you family and what ever friends that you may still have back home. The situation that you are in is not healthy and very dangerous, someone will eventually get hurt in all of this, sometimes our emotions take on a life of their own and you don't want to get caught up in a worst situation. Your ex is playing a very dangerous game, think about yourself first, she's not worth all of the energy that you are giving her, allow her to play her game alone. As long as you continue to intertain her you are giving ther the power to control your future, you can't go forward until you let go of the past." FREE YOURSELF"

[Su****]

Deja, I agree with Denise in regard to letting go and moving forward. I know that these words are easier to say than act upon; and I understand the stronghold someone can have on another where love in concerned. I am sorry you are going through this kind of ***. But allow me to say this; real love, when given the right way, should take your breath away, not your life. I believe there is a purpose in and for everyone, and I know that there is someone out there that will love you the way you need to be loved. Give yourself some time to grieve the loss of this love so that you are ready when your real love comes around. Take care.